Thursday Morning Third Down Back

The New England Patriots play Jared Goff and the Detroit Lions at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 9th at 1:00 PM Ad domum. Cool Dad's Club Meeting tonight 9:00 - 9:05 PM   - Fall clean up projects (good)   - Winterizing your house (good)   - Red Sox not in the playoffs (not good) Bailey Power Rankings: 1) 's Irish Cream 2) George 3) Beetle 4) Zappe Here are three things that didn't completely suck in the loss to the Packers: 1) Bailey Zappe - Nobody is saying he's the second coming of Brady or anything, but I thought he played well under the circumstances. I don't think they would have been in it right up until the last minute with Hoyer under center. 2) Matt Patricia - The play calling was less horrible last week. 3) Jack Jones - Do we love to see a rookie corner with a pick six? We do! Did the Patriots score 20 points last week? Yes! 90s Jam of the Week Lush - Superblast! My prediction: Patriots 31, Lions 30 ***** This week we have Fake Matt Patricia. And why n...

The New England Patriots play Mitch Trubisky and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Acrisure Stadium ( is that right? that can't be right. ) on Sunday September 18th at 1:00 PM. Rough week at the office. Well that went about as well as I expected. Yikes. Sometimes you just run into an unstoppable juggernaut like... the Miami Dolphins. Game balls to no one. No one! Kyle Power Rankings: 1) MacLachlan 2) Broflovski 3) Dugger 4) Selina 5) Saskatchewan Here are three things that I'm hoping improve slightly in week 2: 1) Mac Jones - Is he dead? He took a couple of brutal  hits last week. Also, somebody tell him to stop throwing off his back foot. His mechanics look awful when he's under pressure. 2) Kendrick Bourne - Made it out of the doghouse and onto the field for two plays  in fourth quarter and caught a 41 yarder on one of them. 3) The offensive line - let's end this section on a positive note... can't get much worse! 90s Jam of the Week My Bloody Valentine - Only Shallow My...

The 1 and 1 New England Patriots play Jameis Winston and the New Orleans Saints at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 26th at 1:00 PM. Setting up a long drive to get into field goal range. Folk Power Rankings: 1) Nick 2) -lore 3) Implosion 4) Mer- 5) Metal Here are three things I like about the season so far: 1) Mac Jones - Adequate! 2) Nick Folk - I was mentally  preparing  myself for the Quinn Nordin Era to begin, but Folk has been a pleasant surprise in his 13th season. 3) The secondary - Not getting lit up so far. Even without Stephon Gilmore! Did J.C. Jackson have an interception last week? Yes! Two! How good does Pat feel about this team making the playoffs this year? Let's say 29.2% chance. Down slightly from last week. They beat a terrible Jets team, but the offensive line and defensive line both still look shaky to me. Cookie of the Week Chocolate Cookies with Peanut Butter Chips Just the recipe off the back of the bag of peanut butter chips. I use Ghirardelli ins...

The New England Patriots play Deshaun Watson and the Houston Texans at NRG Stadium on Sunday November 22nd at 1:00 PM. That was a good Big Boy win last Sunday night... ...in some of the worst weather I've ever seen professional sports played in. Yikes. Masks save lives. Fran Power Rankings: 1) Drescher 2) -k herbert 3) McDormand 4) -kenstein 5) Tarkenton 6) -cis Buxton 7) -çois Truffaut Here are three things I liked about last week's game against Baltimore: 1) Cam Newton. Good Cam was back last week. 2) Jakobi Meyers. Meyers can play. On a team that mostly runs the ball, he's the number one receiver at this point. And he can throw! 3) Damien Harris. I really like watching Damien Harris play. I find myself yelling at the TV much less than when Sony Michel is out there. He's the Rich Man’s Antowain Smith. Did the Patriots score a touchdown last week? Yes! My prediction: Patriots 17, Texans 12  ***** This week we have the somehow still employed Fake Matt Patricia filling ...

The New England Patriots play Jimmy Garoppolo and the San Francisco 49ers at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 25th at 4:25 PM. Was the game versus the Broncos just an off week? Or are the wheels starting to come off? I know this hasn't been anything close to a normal season and they had had something like one practice in the 10 days prior to that game. But that was a bad loss to an inferior opponent. Painful to watch. Game balls for no one. Masks save lives. Wicker Power Rankings: 1) Man 2) furniture 3) John 4) -sham, Washington Here are three things that should be better this week. 1) Cam Newton. I expect a sharper game out of Cam this week. 2) Julian Edelman. Edelman was 2 for 2 for a 118 passer rating against the Broncos. Unfortunately he only had 2 receptions. 3) Young guys on defense. One of the few positives about so many veterans opting out this season has been the emergence of some possible future stars on defense. Ja'Whaun Bentley, Kyle Dugger, J.C. Jackson and Chase...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills at Gillette Stadium on Saturday December 21st at 4:30 PM. It puts the lotion in the basket. The Bills are... (checks notes) ... actually pretty good this year? (I apologize for using that tired joke format... If it makes you feel any better, I've written the rest of this column with my head hanging in shame...) The Patriots offense is... not good. I'm not going to sugar coat it. The line is bad. The running game is bad. And... the quarterback hasn't played well in a while now. No more making excuses for TB12. Goose Power Rankings: 1) Talk to me _____ 2) Mother 3) Golden 4) Gossage 5) Canadian Here's three things I liked about last week: 1) JC Jackson - Hasn't gotten nearly enough credit for a really good season. 2) Stephon Gilmore - Has probably gotten the proper amount of credit for a really good season. 3) N’Keal Harry - N'Keal migh...

The New England Patriots play Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium on Sunday January 20th at 6:40 PM. Protecting the ball even as he dives for the pylon. That was some straight up Patriots porn last week.  Definitely should have been TV-MA.  The Patriots came out and blew doors.  Game balls to Julian Edelman and Sony Michel for their efforts in last week's victory over the Chargers.  Nice job! Let's rewind the tape and see how close my predictions were last week: I expect a close, competitive game on Sunday.  Way off!  It was essentially over by halftime. I think the deciding factor will be how much of a game the Patriot's running backs have collectively  Pretty close! Brown Power Rankings: 1) Troy 2) Clancy 3) Millie Bobby 4) W. Earl 5) Sterling K. 6) Charlie 7) Jim 8) Alton 9) Samantha 10) Bobby 11) Foxy Here are three areas of concern for me this Sunday night: 1) The de...

The New England Patriots play either Sam Darnold or Josh McCown and the New York Jets of New Jersey at MetLife Stadium on Sunday November 25th at 1:00 PM. Everybody rested and energized after the bye week?  Great!  Let's go! This is the least good 7 - 3 team I can remember.  They embarrass themselves on the road.  They forget to play defense for long stretches at a time.  The 2018 offense is the Diet Berkley and Jensen Cola version of the Patriots offense... ...and yet they've still got a decent chance at the two seed and a first round bye. Side Dish Power Rankings: 1) mashed potatoes 2) stuffing 3) bread / cornbread / rolls 4) everything else ... 11,997) Butternut GIVE ME ALL THE STARCHES. Here are three things I'm ready to get offensive about this week: 1) Chris Hogan - I thought for sure this was going to be Hogan's breakout year.  And yet he's averaging under 2.5 catches per game.  I'm baffled. 2) Rob Gronkowski - Eit...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Marcus Mariota and the Buffalo Bills at Gillette Stadium in the AFC Divisional Playoff round on Saturday January 13th at 8:15 PM. I love watching Dion Lewis make tacklers miss.  I'll be sad if he's not back next year. Division Power Rankings: 1) Sub  ("I roll for coolness."  "You rolled a 1.  You have been... CAST OUT!") 2) cellular 3) Joy 4) Long 5) Bell Since the Patriots were off the last two weeks, let's take a look at the opposition: 1) Derrick Henry (Titans RB)  - That's a good baseball player name.  Sounds like a long reliever for the Cardinals. 2) Marcus Mariota (Titans QB) - How many touchdowns will he both throw AND catch ?  Nobody knows for sure. 3) Mike Mularkey (Titans coach) - I like using his last name as a curse word.  Very satisfying. My prediction: Pats 24, Titans 21 (That's if we get Tom Brady from the last month....  If Tom Brad...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Tyrod Taylor and the Buffalo Bills at Gillette Stadium on Sunday December 24th at 1:00 PM. "I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love." Winter Power Rankings: 1) Warmer 2) Soldier 3) Solstice 4) Alex 5) Olympics What a roller coaster of emotions that Pittsburgh game was.  Oh my.  It may have taken me a while to calm down after that. Here's three things I liked last week. 1) Malcolm Butler - Butler made a HUGE tackle to keep his guy in bounds on the play before  the final play last week.  That's a big part of the reason why the Steelers looked like a disorganized fire drill. 2) Duron Harmon - Nice interception!  Timely! 3) Rob Gronkowski - That whole last drive.  Whoa.  A guy that big shouldn't be able to move that well.  Also... Pittsburgh - that guy was KILLING you the whole second half. I...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Jay Cutler and the Miami Dolphins at Joe Robbie Stadium Pro Player Park Pro Player Stadium Dolphin Stadium Land Shark Stadium Sun Life Stadium  Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida on Monday December 11th at 8:30 PM. Late night Monday Night Football, eh?  I probably won't be able to watch the game with my sons Han and Chewie. "Use your harpoons and tow cables. Go for the legs. It might be our only chance of stopping them" Lee Power Rankings: 1) Bruce 2) Christopher 3) Geddy 4) Eric 5) Fields 6) Tenacious 7) Jamie Curtis 8) -lee Sobieski 9) Massachusetts 10) Pace 11) David Roth Decent game last week.  Thursday Morning Third Down Back Game Balls (TM) go to : 1) Eric Lee (who?) for having the game of his life against his former team last week.  Interception!   Sack! 2) Dion Lewis - Dion had 92 yards on 15 carries for a gaudy 6.1 yard average.  3) Rex B...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Derek Carr and the Oakland Raiders at Estadio Azteca in Mexico City on Sunday November 19th at 4:25 PM. Deputy Director Cole, Agent Preston and Agent Rosenfield look in on the corpse of the Broncos. Cracker Power Rankings: 1) graham crust 2) -jack 3) Stoned Wheat Thins (underrated!) 4) Kerosene Hat 5) Triscuits (Ritz would have been up here few years ago, but I feel like they've changed the recipe since Kraft sold the brand off.) Looks like we won't have to worry about a playoff game in Denver this year.  Brock Osweiler was not so good for the Broncos last week.  Right after Cris Collinsworth came out with  "He looks sharp out here tonight!", the Brocketship immediately threw this beauty .  Bonus Brock gif!  Watch out, Blue Jacket Guy! Here's three things I liked about last week: 1) Rob Gronkowski - That was definitely  a touchdown. 2) Dion Lewis - Love Dion Lewis....

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Josh McCown and the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium on Sunday October 15th at 1:00 PM. Martin Power Rankings: 1) Chief Brody 2) Scorsese 3) Steve (defensive tackle) 3a) Steve (actor comedian) 4) Short 5) Lawrence 6) George R.R. 7) Starr 8) Freeman 9) Sheen 10) Dean 11) Mull The Patriots won ugly last week.  The good news is... that still counts as a win.  The bad news is that it took 3 missed FGs by the Bucs to seal the deal . I've got to be honest with you.  I felt a little bad for Nick Folk.  Going out there and yakking 3 kicks in front of the home crowd has got to be a horrible feeling. Moving forward.  I'm going to try to be as positive as possible this week. 1) Malcolm Butler - I still feel like he's our best corner.  He's a great tackler.  And he helps out in the run game.  (UPDATE: Stephon Gilmore is out this week.) 2) Brandin Cooks - I ...

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 1st at 1:00 PM. "See ya later, Navigator!" Turkey power rankings: 1) Sandwich 2) Jive 3) Wild 4) Roast 5) Cold 6) Vulture 7) (the country) The defense still looks like poo.  Here are three guys I'm excited about watching this week: 1) James White - Please keep working him into the passing game. 2) Deatrich Wise - Whoa.  Where'd that guy come from?  He has been all over the place last few weeks.  He's been one of the few bright spots on defensive line so far this season. 3) Tom Brady - Tom won AFC Player of the Week for weeks 2 and 3.  An honor he's now received 29 times.  But if he's so good, how come he never won NFC Player of the Week, huh? Just want to let it be known that I'm available to go in at WR if necessary.  Thank you. My prediction: Pats 30, Panthers 24 ***** This we...

The AFC Champion New England Patriots play Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons at NRG Stadium on Sunday February 5th at 6:30 PM. I'm cautiously optimistic about our chances on Sunday. Again... Thanks for coming along for the ride.  It's been an entertaining season. Who's got 15?  Anyone? Super Power Rankings: 1) flight 2) invisibility 3) being able to find a parking space when you really need one 4) indestructibility 5) telekinesis, Kyle Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching Sunday night: 1) Malcolm Butler / Devin McCourty / Patrick Chung - I'm putting a lot of responsibility on the secondary this week (note - not actually my decision) .  The defense doesn't have to be GREAT.  Just be VERY GOOD and get a few big stops. 2) LeGarrette Blount / Dion Lewis - Whenever I think we're going to get one of these guys as the feature back in the game plan that week, we end up getting the other guy.  So I'm just going ...

The AFC #1 seed New England Patriots play Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Gillette on Sunday January 22nd at 6:40 PM. That kick return (makes Italian chef kissing fingers gesture). First half of divisional round game against the Texans was ugly.  Sloppy!  Patriots rusty from the bye week?  Were the Texans just playing out of their mind?  Eh.  Maybe a little bit of both. This is a very good Steelers team the Patriots are playing this week.  But it doesn't feel like a very deep Steelers team.  The Patriots defense should be able to take away Pittsburgh's main offensive weapons. Supposedly half the Steelers have the flu.  Genius Bill Belichick strikes again!  Diabolical. Ben Power Rankings: 1) Franklin 2) & Jerry’s 3) Dover 4) edict Cumberbatch 5) Roethlisberger 6) Folds 7) Gazzara 8) icio Del Toro Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching Sunday night: 1) Malcolm Butler - It's...

The first place New England Patriots play Ryan Fitzpatrick and the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium on Sunday November 27th at 4:25 PM If they don't resign Butler, I'll be somewhat upset. Captain Power Rankings: 1) Ahab 2) Horatio McCallister (Simpsons Sea Captain) 3) Phasma 4) Crunch 5) Kangaroo 6) & Tennille 7) Caveman 8) Needa 9) Morgan 10) Canada Good win on the road last week, but I still feel like this team isn't quite great .  Too many holes on defense. Here's three things I'll be watching this week as I digest everything I ate this weekend. 1) Malcolm Mitchell - With Gronk and Hogan out with injuries, Malcolm Mitchell had a chance to shine.  And he did!  98 yards and a touchdown.  It sure would be nice if the Patriots could draft and develop a real NFL level WR for a change.  It's been a while. 2) Julian Edelman - Edelman had a very good week last week, but it still feels like he's not quite 100%.  Watch him...

The first place New England Patriots play Tyrod Taylor and the Buffalo Bills at The Ralph  New Era Field on Sunday October 30th at 1:00 PM. Tailgating  preparations are already underway in Orchard Park, NY Halloween Candy Power Rankings: 1) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups 2) Take 5 3) Snickers 4) Peanut M&Ms 5) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (again) 6) Kit Kat Here's three things I'll be getting defensive about on Sunday: 1) Kyle Van Noy - Welcome aboard new linebacker Kyle Van Noy, acquired this week in a trade from Detroit.  I'm interested to see how the Patriots use him. In his own words, the Lions "didn’t know where to put me." 2) Woodrow Hamilton - Not our 19th President, but you'd be forgiven if you guessed that. 3) Patrick Chung - Chung made some most excellent plays against the Steelers last week. FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet! Did Malcolm Mit...

The first place New England Patriots play Cody Kessler (who?) and the Cleveland Browns at FirstEnergy Stadium on Sunday October 9th at 1:00 PM. "I drink and I know things." Days of the Week Power Rankings: 1) Saturday 2) Sunday 3) Friday 4) Thursday 5) Wednesday 6) Tuesday 7) Monday Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday: 1) Rob Ninkovich - Ninkovich is back to bolster the defensive line after a 4 game suspension. 2) Julian Edelman - I was super excited to see Edelman go off for 90 yards on that first drive... and then it got called back.  That might have been the highlight of the game and it didn't even count. 3) Martellus Bennett - Bennett has been better than Gronk so far this season.  Plus he's funnier on Twitter. Shout out to Jacoby Brissett, who ended up on IR after having thumb surgery.  Thank you for your efforts.  You were put in a bad situation last week and performed admirably. FREE AGENT WAT...

The 10 - 0 New England Patriots play Peyton Manning  Brock Osweiler and the 8 - 2 Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on Sunday November 29th at 8:30 PM. I was going to give you the standard list of reasons why Brady is better than Manning... But now we're facing Brock Osweiler instead.  Could he be better than Brady?  We just don't know.  This Osweiler guy has never lost a game. Game balls to Rob Ninkovich and Dont'a Hightower for the win against the Bills.  The defense has been good this season.  Way better than I expected given the losses of Revis and Wilfork. Me vs. Pecan Pie (-3.5) Malcolm Power Rankings: 1) Butler 2) Prince of Cumberland 3) Jamal Warner 4) X 5) in the Middle Here's three things I'm thankful for this week: 1) Rob Gronkwoski - Possibly the last remaining receiver that Brady trusts.  If I'm Denver, I put 4 - 5 guys on him. 2) James White - He's no Dion Lewis, but he showed signs of l...