Saturday, November 26, 2011

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 12 (Game 11)

The Patriots play their eleventh game of the season against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on Sunday November 27th at 4:15 PM.

Sorry about the delay.  We were off having another kid.  So far the Patriots are 2 and 0 since Kid #2 got here.  He actually slept on my tummy while we watched the Pats - Jets game in the hospital.  THAT'S GREAT NAPPING.


Jazz hands!

Have you seen the schedule the rest of the year?  Oh man, that's soft.  Lots of lousy teams and backup quarterbacks.  We're going to win 12 or 13 games.  And, of course, none of it matters if we go one and out again in the playoffs.  *deep breath - composes self*  Moving on...

He's five guys I'll watching closely this week:

1) Tom Brady - Brady has been getting off to sloooow starts the last few weeks.  He's looked great in the second half, but lousy at the beginning of these games.  I hope he's not hurt.

2) Rob Gronkowski - GRONK HANG ON TO BALL EVEN WHILE FALL ON HEAD.  GRONK NO DROP SURE TOUCHDOWNS LIKE DANIEL GRAHAM.

(What do you think?  Too close to Roethlisberger?  I'll keep working on it.) 

3) Vince Wilfork - They're playing Big Vince an awful lot this year.  He's going to get hurt down the stretch.  I'd like to see him get some rest.

4) Kyle Arrington - Arrington has gone from barely being on an NFL roster to leading the league in INTs this year.  Not bad at all.

5) Shane Vereen - Was that Shane Vereen I saw running into the endzone for a garbage time TD last week?  Welcome to the active game day roster, Shane! (Note that this in no way affects my Stevan Ridley man-crush.)


Did Chad Ochocinco have a catch last week?

NO. 

(But to his credit, he did have two the week before.)


My prediction: Pats 31, Eagles 20

Stay hydrated, my friends.


*****

This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's "Tales From a Life in Football":

November 2009.  It's the Monday before Thanksgiving and I'm having an extra film session day with some of the rookies who are struggling.

Ron Brace asks if he can go to the bathroom.  Sure, I tell him.  Make it quick.

We finish up 45 minutes later and Brace still hasn't returned.  I dismiss everyone and tell them I've got a surprise waiting for them in the dining area.

I had ordered a catered Thanksgiving spread for the group.  Turkey.  Biscuits.  Gravy.  Pie.  Everything. 

We walk down the hall and find Brace covered in skin and bones.  Long story short, he had eaten the whole 24 pound turkey before the rest of the team got there.

He must have smelled the meal wandered off after his bathroom break.

"Come on," I tell them.  "Everybody get in your cars and follow me." 

And I took them out for Chinese food.

I should have cut Brace right there on the spot.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 9 (Game 8)

The Patriots play their eighth (is that really how you spell "8th"?  Something doesn't look right...) game of the season against the New York Giants at Gillette Stadium on Sunday November 6th at 4:15 PM.

Rough week last week, Guys.  After the game I put on my Belichick pajamas, crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.

I felt a little better when I woke up Monday morning.  We're still 5 and 2.  All is not lost.

This doesn't look like a Super Bowl defense, but nobody else out there really scares me right now.  Nobody is running away with the AFC at this point. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that things are still wide open.  It's only November.


I know, Bill.  I couldn't watch, either.

Did Chad Ochocinco have a catch last week?

NO. 


There's been a number of disappointments on this team this year.  Here's five guys I'm hoping to see do something on the field this week:

1) Chad Ochocinco - My expectations were low when we traded for Chad... But not this low.

2) Taylor Price - Always looks great in the pre-season.  Then we never see him again once the games count.

3) Danny Woodhead - Not getting the reps this year.  And that's not going to get any better with K-Faulk back on the active roster.

4) Julian Edelman - You've got to smarten up there with the off the field incidents.  That's a good way to get youself cut. 

5) Albert Haynesworth - How does a 360 pound guy make himself invisible?


Is this the week the Patriots offense gets back to putting 30 on the board?  Probably not.

My prediction: Pats 27, Giants 17

Stay hydrated, my friends.


*****

This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's "Tales From a Life in Football":

So it's 1985 and I'm the DC for the Giants.  It's the first week of the season.  We're playing the Eagles.  And Lawrence Taylor shows up to the film session on Monday morning with a 13 year-old Thai hooker. 

So I pull him aside and say "Uh, Lawrence, we've got a big game against a divisional opponent this week and I want you to be focused.  I don't think your friend needs to be here for this."

He pauses for a second and looks at me.  Then he says to me "Coach, this isn't my friend... I MARRIED this bitch last night."

I let one of the interns run the rest of the film session and make a few quick phone calls and manage to get the marriage annulled.

Somehow, Parcells managed to keep all this out of the papers.  And we shut out the Eagles that week.

True story.