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Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 16

The AFC East Champion New England Patriots play Ryan Fitzpatrick Bryce Petty* and the New York Jets at Gillette on Saturday December 24th at 1:00 PM.

*"Bryce Petty" sounds like a made up movie NASCAR driver name.



Tom takes a moment to meet with a fan after the game.
I'm probably going to miss the game on Saturday.  We'll be spending the holidays at an undisclosed location.  This upsets me greatly.  I haven't flat out missed a game since 1998.  Balls.

Dion Power Rankings:

1) Lewis

2) DiMucci

3) -ysus

4) Phaneuf (married to Elisha Cuthbert!)

5) Celine


Here's three things I'd be watching for on Saturday (if I was able to watch the game):

1) Devin McCourty - The McCourty hit on Demaryius Thomas was a thing of beauty.  The defense is coming together nicely over the last few weeks.  Great timing!

2) Chris Hogan - There's a nifty little "top 10 Brady plays of the year" video... And about 1/2 of them are deep balls to Hogan.  Good signing.

3) Malcolm …

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 15

The first place New England Patriots play Trevor Siemian(?) and the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on Sunday December 18th at 4:25 PM.


Do not buy a tree from this man.
Bond Power Rankings:

1) savings

2) James

3) covalent

4) Gold

5) friendship

Despite Cyrus Jones's efforts to keep the Ravens in the game, that was a pretty solid win last week.  The defense played their best game of the year.

Still feeling the sting of last year's AFC Championship game loss in Denver.  I hope they go in and blow doors.

Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) Shea McClellin - I find blocked field goals tremendously exciting.  Thanks, Shea McClellin!

2) Chris Hogan - That 4th quarter deep TD to Hogan to put the game away last week was a thing of beauty.

3) LeGarrette Blount - The Patriot offense is much more balanced than this time last year.  But this would be a great week for Blount to step up and take over.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm B…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 14

The first place New England Patriots play Joe Flacco and the Baltimore Ravens at Gillette on Monday December 12th at 8:30 PM.


LeGarrette looks like he's floating here.
This is the first matchup we've had against a playoff caliber opponent in almost a month.  Should be a good measure of where the team is at this point.  Also, I don't particularly care for John Harbaugh.

Mitchell Power Rankings:

1) Elizabeth

2) Malcolm

3) Joe Don Baker is...

4) Joni

5) Mitchell lunar crater


Here's three guys I'll be getting defensive about tonight:

1) Logan Ryan / Eric Rowe / Cyrus Jones - Let's be honest here... Right corner has been not great.

2) Alan Branch / Malcom Brown - Both have been solid in the middle.  New England is a top 10 defense against the run this season.  Who knew?

3) Elandon Roberts - Eh.  I don't know if I've seen enough here to warrant trading Jamie Collins.  But that's just me.  I'm not in charge of those decisions.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Mal…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 13

The first place New England Patriots play Jared Goff* and the St. Louis Los Angeles Rams at Gillette on Sunday December 4th at 1:00 PM.


Chris Long saves the day.
*If my last name was Goff, I would have named my son Geoff.  Geoff Goff.

Fisher Power Rankings:

1) King

2) Price

3) Cat

4) Carrie

5) Isla

6) & Sons Funeral Home

7) Antwone

8) Stevens

....

11,997) Jeff

Here's three guys I'll be keeping an eye on on Sunday afternoon:

1) Chris Long - We haven't really heard from Chris Long a ton this year, but I do enjoy game saving strip sacks.  So we'll take it.

2) LeGarrette Blount - I've really come to appreciate Blount this season.  He's moving better than previous years... despite this.

3) Martellus Bennett - Let's try to keep Bennett on the field.  I don't want to see anyone else getting hurt.

FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

But... Marcus Cannon did!

(note: not Marcus Cannon in pictu…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 12

The first place New England Patriots play Ryan Fitzpatrick and the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium on Sunday November 27th at 4:25 PM


If they don't resign Butler, I'll be somewhat upset.

Captain Power Rankings:

1) Ahab

2) Horatio McCallister (Simpsons Sea Captain)

3) Phasma

4) Crunch

5) Kangaroo

6) & Tennille

7) Caveman

8) Needa

9) Morgan

10) Canada


Good win on the road last week, but I still feel like this team isn't quite great.  Too many holes on defense.

Here's three things I'll be watching this week as I digest everything I ate this weekend.

1) Malcolm Mitchell - With Gronk and Hogan out with injuries, Malcolm Mitchell had a chance to shine.  And he did!  98 yards and a touchdown.  It sure would be nice if the Patriots could draft and develop a real NFL level WR for a change.  It's been a while.

2) Julian Edelman - Edelman had a very good week last week, but it still feels like he's not quite 100%.  Watch him after the catch.  He doesn't seem t…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 11

The first place New England Patriots play Colin Kaepernick and the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on Sunday November 20th at 4:25 PM


Congratulations to Rob Gronkowski on a major touchdown milestone.
Holiday Power Rankings:

1) Thanksgiving

2) Festivus

3) Road

4) Roman

5) Madonna - Holiday


Not a lot of positives to take away from last week's game.  Let's move on to San Francisco.

Here's three things I'll be keeping an eye on this week.

1) Martellus Bennett - Gronk got blown up by Earl Thomas late in the game last week.  Bennett will need to step up this week.

2) Barkevious Mingo / Elandon Roberts - We need a non-Hightower inside linebacker to show up on a regular basis going forward.

3) Cyrus Jones - Hang on to the rock there, Big Guy.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

The day after a Bills fan threw a rubber dong on the field in Buffalo, Jamie Collins got the shaft.  The Patriots traded the…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 8

The first place New England Patriots play Tyrod Taylor and the Buffalo Bills at The Ralph New Era Field on Sunday October 30th at 1:00 PM.


Tailgating preparations are already underway in Orchard Park, NY
Halloween Candy Power Rankings:

1) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

2) Take 5

3) Snickers

4) Peanut M&Ms

5) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (again)

6) Kit Kat


Here's three things I'll be getting defensive about on Sunday:

1) Kyle Van Noy - Welcome aboard new linebacker Kyle Van Noy, acquired this week in a trade from Detroit.  I'm interested to see how the Patriots use him. In his own words, the Lions "didn’t know where to put me."

2) Woodrow Hamilton - Not our 19th President, but you'd be forgiven if you guessed that.

3) Patrick Chung - Chung made some most excellent plays against the Steelers last week.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchell have a catch last week?  No.  …

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 7

The first place New England Patriots play Ben Roethlisberger  Landry Jones (who?) and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field on Sunday October 23rd at 4:25 PM.

I'm looking forward to watching the game Sunday afternoon with my sons Jon and Lester.

What are we getting for takeout later?
Spice Power Rankings:

1) Coffee

2) Ginger

3) Pumpkin

4) Sugar and

5) Old

Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) Stephen Gostkowski - Everything OK, Stephen Gostkowski?  Something you want to tell us about?  We're worried about you.

2) Dont'a Hightower - Congratulations to Dont'a Hightower for being named the AFC Defensive Player of the Week.  He can be absolute monster at times.  That safety last week was huge.  Huge, I tell you.  Total game changer.

3) No third thing this week.  Go to your room and think about what you've done.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchel…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 6

The first place New England Patriots play Andy Dalton and the Cincinnati Bengals at Gillette on Sunday October 16th at 1:00 PM.

All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... 
How good did the passing game look last week?  Pretty good!

Hogan Power Rankings:

1) 's Heroes

2) Chris

3) Michael

4) Valerie

5) Paul


Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) James White - More!  Gimme more James White.  More, I say!

2) Chris Hogan - Hogan caught some deep balls last week.  Balls!  Deep ones!

3) Martellus Bennett - Marty had 3 touchdowns last week.  Three!  I'm just going to keep him locked in here until further notice.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchell have a catch last week?  Yes!  He had 2!

My prediction: Pats 30, Bengals 13

*****
Let's hear from Tyrell Corporation Nexus-6 TB12 model Fake Tom Brady this week.

I have returned.

It's not an e…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 5

The first place New England Patriots play Cody Kessler (who?) and the Cleveland Browns at FirstEnergy Stadium on Sunday October 9th at 1:00 PM.

"I drink and I know things."
Days of the Week Power Rankings:

1) Saturday

2) Sunday

3) Friday

4) Thursday

5) Wednesday

6) Tuesday

7) Monday


Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) Rob Ninkovich - Ninkovich is back to bolster the defensive line after a 4 game suspension.

2) Julian Edelman - I was super excited to see Edelman go off for 90 yards on that first drive... and then it got called back.  That might have been the highlight of the game and it didn't even count.

3) Martellus Bennett - Bennett has been better than Gronk so far this season.  Plus he's funnier on Twitter.

Shout out to Jacoby Brissett, who ended up on IR after having thumb surgery.  Thank you for your efforts.  You were put in a bad situation last week and performed admirably.

FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Coll…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 4

The first place New England Patriots play Tyrod Taylor and the Buffalo Bills at Gillette on Sunday October 2nd at 1:00 PM.


Gettin' squirrely.
Who's going to start at quarterback for the Pats on Sunday?

This is our concern, Dude.

David Power Rankings:

1) Ortiz

2) Bowie

3) Michelangelo's

4) Larry

5) Lynch


Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) Jimmy Garoppolo - My sources are telling me he plays this week.

2) Rob Gronkowski - He played last week, but that looked like about 10% Gronk.  I'm guessing he goes off this week.

3) LeGarrette Blount - Do I goof on Blount a bit here?  I do!  He was also the AFC Offensive Player of the Month.  So good on him.

FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchell have a catch last week?  Aww yiss.


My prediction: Pats 24, Bills 13


*****
And now we present The Continuing Adventures of Julian Edelman, Private Dick.

What are we doin…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 3

The first place New England Patriots play Brock Osweiler and the Houston Texans at Gillette on Thursday September 22nd at 8:25 PM

(A late game on a school night?!  How am I supposed to watch the game with my sons Mookie and Betts?!)


Is that one of those tiny footballs?  Jacoby looks like a *giant* here.
OK, Brissett.  Let's see what you got.

Garoppolo going down isn't great.  I had a plan for an escalating joke where the current asking price for Garoppolo eventually went up to 17,000 first round picks (not unreasonable!).  But now he's hurt.  Also, maybe we should keep him now?  I'm torn here.  We'll see.

But I'm honestly not that worried.  Jacoby had a really good preseason.  We've got the best quarterback ever coming back in 3 weeks.  We'll be fine.

Jacoby Power Rankings:

1) Dr. Lawrence

2) Brissett

3) Feed & Seed

4) Captain

5) Max

...

11,997)  Ellsbury


Here's three things I'll be getting defensive about on Thursday:

1) Malcolm Butler - Is …

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 2

The first place New England Patriots play Ryan Tannehill and the Miami Dolphins at Gillette on Sunday September 18th at 1:00 PM

(A middle of the afternoon game?!  How am I supposed to enjoy a drink during the game if I'm watching my sons Jackie and Bradley Jr.?!)



Pull my finger.

Moss Power Rankings*:

1) Randy

2) Peat

3) Elizabeth

4) Maurice

5) Carrie-Anne

6) Spanish

7) Kate

8) Llewelyn


*fedora tip to Viking Dave


Here's three things I'll probably find offensive on Sunday:

1) Chris Hogan - Oh, hello there, Chris Hogan!  Nice touchdown catch last week!  Welcome aboard.

2) Julian Edelman - Great game last week.  Edelman takes an absolute beating and keeps getting back up.

3) James White - I want to see more James White after last week.  More, dammit, more!

BONUS FOURTH ITEM: Martellus Bennett - Bennett didn't have a huge game numbers-wise (3 catches for 14 yards), but had some fantastic blocks and a most excellent extra effort on a third down conversion.  Can't wait to see…

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 1

The Patriots play Carson Palmer and the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium on Sunday September 11th at 8:30 PM.

Football is back!  Everything is right with the world!  I'll never complain about anything again!

(You're going to start me off right out of the gate with an 8:30 PM game?!  What the hell, NFL?  How am I supposed to watch this game with my sons Braxton and Hicks?)

In the room the women come and go  Talking of James Garoppolo.
Just go 2 - 2 while Brady is out.  That's really all I'm asking for.  That seems reasonable, right?


Lake Power Rankings:

1) Erie

2) Bell

3) Ontario (possibly Canadian maybe?)

4) Top of the

5) Huron (people forget Huron)

6) Michigan

7) Superior (a little too full of itself in my opinion)


Here's three things I'll be watching closely on Sunday night if I can stay up that late:

1) Offensive Line - You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, man.

2) Wide Receiv…

Three Things to Watch This Week - AFC Championship Game

The Patriots play the AFC Championship Game at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium against Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos on Sunday January 24th at 3:05 PM.


Awwww!  The Denver Broncos?!

Chung Power Rankings:

1) Patrick

2) Jose

3) Wang

4) -king Express

5) Jamie


Here are three guys I'll be watching closely on Sunday:

1) Patrick Chung - Not quite excellent, but Patrick Chung has been very good all year.  Probably his best year as a pro in his seventh season.

2) Jamie Collins - If everybody is relatively healthy, I feel like we can win this game on defense.  If we can keep Denver under 20, we should be good.

3) Dont'a Hightower - Again... I apologize for calling him a bust in his rookie season.


My prediction: Pats 24, Broncos 15


*****
And now we conclude The Adventures of Julian Edelman, Private Dick.

"You guys don't do protein shakes, right?"

"That's correct."

"But you can do milkshakes?"

"That's also correct."

&quo…

Three Things to Watch This Week - AFC Divisional Playoff Game

The Patriots host the AFC Divisional Playoff Game at Gillette against Alex Smith and the Kansas City Chiefs on Saturday January 16th and 4:30 PM


A normal sized human tries to cover The Gronk

What's wrong with this team right now?  Are they healthy?  Are they smoking something?  Why does the coach have a black eye?  Why so many distractions?  How did this team lose 4 of its last 6 games?

I'm not liking it.  Something feels off.  Too many questions.

The good news is... At least we're not getting Phil Simms this week!


Alan Power Rankings:

1) Rickman

2) Branch

3) Ruck (he's married to Mireille Enos?!)

4) Smithee

5) Alda

6) Alan from Sesame Street

7) Tudyk


Here's three things I'm worried about going into this week's game:


1) Chandler Jones - Chandler Jones pulled a Robert Downey Jr. last week.  Why you do this thing, Chandler Jones?  It you're not sure what it is or where it came from, don't smoke it.

2) Rob Gronkowski - Gronkowski missed practice with kn…