Friday, January 18, 2013

Five Things to Watch This Week - AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!


The Patriots play their second playoff game of the season at Gillette against the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday January 22, 2012 at 3:00 PM January 20, 2013 at 6:30 PM.

Same matchup as last year.  It's deja vu all over again.

I think this year's Pats are better than last year's.

Defense = improved.  It's not a stretch to say this year's defense is better than last year's historically bad D.

Offense = Hot damn!  A running game!

I'm not saying we're going to win.  But I like our chances.

I'm hoping the fatigue from the extra playoff game AND two overtimes last week catches up to Baltimore.  Their defense is old.  They lost 4 of their last 5 regular season. Time to unleash the Speed Crush offense.



Nice catch.

Brandon Power Rankings:

1) Spikes

2) Lloyd

3) Deaderick

4) Bolden

(We had 4 Brandons play in the game last week.  That's gotta be some kind of record, right?  The Patriots lead the league in Brandons.)

Also... Brandon Spikes Dance!


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Shane Vereen - I'm going to remember that game against the Texans as "The Shane Vereen Game" for quite a while.  I had no idea he had that in him.  He had 62 carries and 8 receptions on the whole season.

2) Stevan Ridley - Ridley didn't exactly suck, either.  He had 5.5 yards per carry and a TD.

3) Rob Ninkovich - I would have included him on the list last week, but I wasn't even sure he was going to play after getting hurt week 17.  Looked pretty darn good out there.

4) Aaron Hernandez - Watch Ray Lewis try to keep up with him over the middle this week.  Should be fun.  I set the over / under on holding calls at 4.

5) Tom Brady - Now leads all quarterbacks with 17 career playoff wins.  All quarterbacks.  Ever.

Compare those numbers to rival Peyton Manning, who now holds the record with 8(!) one-and-out playoff runs. Breaking the record previously held by... Peyton Manning.  When you don't even have the most rings at the family Thanksgiving table, you don't get to be in the Greatest of All Time conversation.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

No.

/sad trombone


My prediction: Pats 35, Ravens 24

Nut up or move on.


*****

This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":


What up, Bros and Lady Bros?  This is Fake Josh McDaniels filling in for Fake Bill Belichick.  BB said he's too busy.  (Trying to see if can put together a pass rush against the Ravens with spare parts... HA!  Defense is for tools.).  He said I could take over the column this week.  JOSH'S GOT THE KEYS TO DAD'S CAR!

Did you guys see me spring Shane Vereen on an unsuspecting Texans D last week?  Was that sweet or what?  DAMN STRAIGHT!

My buddy Brian Daboll (WHAT UP, B-DOGS?!) got fired by the Kansas City Chiefs last week.  Totes not his fault.  What's a brother to do?  He's got a total choad for a QB, you know?  Bad sitch.  Anyway, Josh tries to take care of his fellow OCs.  It's a special fraternity.

As soon as I heard he got popped, I went to talk to Bill.

     JM: Yo Bee Squared!  Can we hire back Brian Daboll?

     BB: Who?

     JM: Brian Daboll.  He worked here for like 6 seasons.

     BB: Since when do you make hiring decisions?

     (10 minutes later)

     BB: Are you still here?

     JM: You didn't give me an answer on Daboll?  Is that yes?

     BB: Fine.  Just get out of my office.

     JM: Thanks!  Can do.

     BB: But he doesn't get a headset!





So... That's how Josh McD hooks a brother up.  It's all about the offense.

OK... Gotta go... Done chatting with you for now.  Going to grab a brotein shake.  I'll be back.

JAY MICK DEE OUT.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Five Things to Watch This Week - PLAYOFFS!


The Patriots play their first playoff game of the season at Gillette against the Houston Texans on Sunday January 13th at 4:30 PM.

You excited?  I'm excited.

It's supposed to be upper 40s mid-50s here on Sunday.  So much for our outdoor home field advantage in January against a southern team.  On other hand... Fire up the grill!



***fart noise***


Fictional Dad Power Rankings:

1) Frank Costanza, "Seinfeld"

2) Randy Marsh, "South Park"

3) Kirk Van Houten, "The Simpsons"

4) Professor Henry Jones, "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"

5) Royal Tenenbaum, "The Royal Tenenbaums"


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Stevan Ridley - Please hang on to the football... Please hang on to the football... Please hang on to the football...

2) Vince Wilfork - Just had one of his best seasons ever.  I love the Big Man.

3) Rob Gronkowski - Don't forget the Patriots beat the Texans last time without Gronk.  If he's anywhere close to 100%, the Texans are effed.

4) Aaron Hernandez - I'm guessing he gets a lot of touches this week, but that's just a hunch.

5) Devin McCourty - I feel much better about Devin McCourty, Safety than Devin McCourty, Cornerback.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch this week?

No.

/sad trombone

(Total number of catches for the year... 5!)


Did Donte Stallworth get a flu shot this week?

No.


My prediction: Pats 45, Texans 14

I like New England this week.  A lot.

Nut up or move on.


*****


This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":

Dropped off my car to get an oil change on the bye week.  The guy at the counter asks me for my keys and what my mileage is.

His voice sounded awfully familiar.  I look up... and it's Scott Pioli.

He seemed pretty depressed.  Should I say anything?  I'll wait until I'm checking out.

It took a pretty long time for a oil change.

     BB: What do you think went wrong?

     SP: At Kansas City?  Well, we went 23-41 while I was there.

     BB: No, I mean with my car...?

     SP: Oh.  I'll go ask the technician.

He comes back 3 minutes later.

     SP: Needed a coolant flush.

     BB: Got it.

     SP: You also need a new air filter.  Do you want us to do that for you?

     BB: Nah, I can do that myself.

Never have the oil change place guys do your air filter.  That's a huge cost savings right there if you can do that yourself.

True story.