Sunday, January 24, 2016

Three Things to Watch This Week - AFC Championship Game

The Patriots play the AFC Championship Game at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium against Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos on Sunday January 24th at 3:05 PM.

Awwww!  The Denver Broncos?!

Chung Power Rankings:

1) Patrick

2) Jose

3) Wang

4) -king Express

5) Jamie

Here are three guys I'll be watching closely on Sunday:

1) Patrick Chung - Not quite excellent, but Patrick Chung has been very good all year.  Probably his best year as a pro in his seventh season.

2) Jamie Collins - If everybody is relatively healthy, I feel like we can win this game on defense.  If we can keep Denver under 20, we should be good.

3) Dont'a Hightower - Again... I apologize for calling him a bust in his rookie season.

My prediction: Pats 24, Broncos 15

And now we conclude The Adventures of Julian Edelman, Private Dick.

"You guys don't do protein shakes, right?"

"That's correct."

"But you can do milkshakes?"

"That's also correct."

"Can you throw a burger patty in with my salted caramel shake?  You don't need to check with your manager or anything.  Just go for it!  I'll give you an extra buck."

"Raw or cooked?"

"Let's try raw.  That's got more protein, right?."

"Whatever you say, sir."

It's me.  Jules.  On the job.

It started out as a simple cheating husband case... But then it became personal.  There's a lot for me to keep straight.  But I'm doing work.

I also got hurt in Week 10 against the Giants.  Not good times, amigos.

Now I've got my rehab, my regular team duties (film sessions, workouts, making fun of Brady's fashion choices), and this case.

I arraigned a meeting with the Suspicious Wife and Real Estate Developer Husband.  (Might as well meet at Five Guys.  Figured I was going by there anyway.)  

Never let someone arrive at a location before you.  That's good detective work AND good hustle.  (Unless you're following somebody, I guess.  How would that work?  I'll have to get back to you on that.)

"OK... Let's talk this out.  She thinks you're cheating.  Can you explain what you've been up to?"

"I've been working late.  I've got a big development project coming up.  Really.  That's all.  What's this all about?  And who are you?"

"I'll ask the questions here.  Did you send your Giant henchmen after me in mid-November?"


"Are you getting squirrelly with me, Sir?"

"I'm sorry... What does that mean?"

"And Five Guys... Why are you closing down my Five Guys?"

"What?  Oh, the development project.  It'll be relocated to another part of the property.  You have nothing to worry about."

"Oh.  OK then.  I did not realize that.  Ma'am... Are you satisfied with these answers?"

"Yes.  Completely."

"And you Sir... Do you think you can do a better job of communicating with your wife in the future?"

"I can do that."

I guess everything turned out OK.  Happy endings for Jules.

OK... Let's wrap this up.  I'm due back at a walk through in 10 minutes.  Better finish my burger-shake.

Time to grind.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Three Things to Watch This Week - AFC Divisional Playoff Game

The Patriots host the AFC Divisional Playoff Game at Gillette against Alex Smith and the Kansas City Chiefs on Saturday January 16th and 4:30 PM

A normal sized human tries to cover The Gronk

What's wrong with this team right now?  Are they healthy?  Are they smoking something?  Why does the coach have a black eye?  Why so many distractions?  How did this team lose 4 of its last 6 games?

I'm not liking it.  Something feels off.  Too many questions.

The good news is... At least we're not getting Phil Simms this week!

Alan Power Rankings:

1) Rickman

2) Branch

3) Ruck (he's married to Mireille Enos?!)

4) Smithee

5) Alda

6) Alan from Sesame Street

7) Tudyk

Here's three things I'm worried about going into this week's game:

1) Chandler Jones - Chandler Jones pulled a Robert Downey Jr. last week.  Why you do this thing, Chandler Jones?  It you're not sure what it is or where it came from, don't smoke it.

2) Rob Gronkowski - Gronkowski missed practice with knee AND back problems this week?  Ugh.

3) Steven Jackson - Can we count on you this week, Steven Jackson?  You should at least have fresh legs from taking the whole season off.  (You know what?  I take that back.  I hope we DON'T run the ball much this week.  If Jackson is a major part of the game plan, we're boned.  I want to see them go back to slinging it. Let's just pretend item 3 was JULIAN EDELMAN)

My prediction: Pats 27, Chiefs 21

(Unless it's 14 - 0 Chiefs after the first quarter.  Then just forget it.)

This week we have Fake Josh McDaniels filling for Fake Bill Belichick.

What up, Bros and Lady Bros?

This really might be it for Your Old Pal Josh.

There's other opportunities out there.  Lotsa buzz about Josh finally getting a second crack at an HC position.

End of the road.  Last year coming in to 1 Patriot Place every day.

But still... The memories here... So many victories... So many good times.... So many brews... So many burritos...

I'm even going to miss that Bearded Lump Patricia.  But don't tell him I said that.

(I'm not crying... YOU'RE CRYING.)

Thanks for the good times.

Until next time... take it easy, Brahs.