Thursday Morning Third Down Back

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills at Gillette Stadium on Saturday December 21st at 4:30 PM. It puts the lotion in the basket. The Bills are... (checks notes) ... actually pretty good this year? (I apologize for using that tired joke format... If it makes you feel any better, I've written the rest of this column with my head hanging in shame...) The Patriots offense is... not good. I'm not going to sugar coat it. The line is bad. The running game is bad. And... the quarterback hasn't played well in a while now. No more making excuses for TB12. Goose Power Rankings: 1) Talk to me _____ 2) Mother 3) Golden 4) Gossage 5) Canadian Here's three things I liked about last week: 1) JC Jackson - Hasn't gotten nearly enough credit for a really good season. 2) Stephon Gilmore - Has probably gotten the proper amount of credit for a really good season. 3) N’Keal Harry - N'Keal migh

The New England Patriots play Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs at Gillette Stadium on Sunday December 8th at 4:25 PM. Hey guys! How's it going? Golden Power Rankings: 1) Path 2) Girls 3) Goose 4) Child 5) Egg Nog 6) Colorado 7) Tate 8) Fang Here's three things I'll be watching for Sunday afternoon: 1 - 3) Sony Michel, Rex Burkhead and James White. I thought they ran the ball fairly well last week. One of the few positives. The defense should be fine. The passing game will be meh to meh plus. If the Patriots are going to control this game, it will be by running the ball. (Of course, now that I've predicted this, they'll throw the ball 55 times.) Perfect Season Watch 2019 The Cincinnati Bengals went ahead and won themselves a game, thus ending Perfect Season Watch 2019. The 2008 Detroit Lions and the 2017 Cleveland Browns crack open a case of room temperature Natty Ice in celebration. Here's Week 14 of The

Offense in a Coma by S. Morrissey, J. Marr, T. Brady Offense in a coma, I know I know, it's serious Offense in a coma, I know I know, it's really serious There were times when I could Have murdered the offensive line But you know, I would hate Anything to happen to Tom. No, I don't want to see the punter again. Do you really think The defense will pull through? Do you really think The defense will pull through? Do ooh ooh ooh Offense in a coma, I know I know, it's serious My, my, my, my, my, my baby, goodbye There were times when I could Have strangled the offensive live But you know, I would hate Anything to happen to Tom. Would you please Run the ball here? Do you really think They'll play Sanu? Do you really think They'll play Sanu? Do ooh ooh ooh Let me whisper my last goodbyes I know, it's SERIOUS.

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Lamar Jackson and the Baltimore Ravens at M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday November 3rd at 8:20 PM. We’re on to Alderaan. Falcon Power Rankings: 1) Millennium 2) Maltese 3) Sam Wilson 4) and the Snowman 5) Atlanta Here's three things I'm looking forward to tonight: 1) First round pick N’Keal Harry - He's active! I like it. Show me what you got. 2) The Defense - Can the defense contain Lamar Jackson? It'll be fun to find out! 3) Cut the kicker. They did! Perfect Season Watch 2019 HOLY CRAP THE DOLPHINS WON A GAME. That leaves the Bengals as the only remaining team without a win. Here's Week 9 of The Buck Stops Here , featuring some of R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck's tastiest riffs. Let's jump in the wayback machine. Carnival Of Sorts (Boxcars) Tight tight tight. Did Jakobi Meyers have a catch last week? Yes. But just one. /tasteful bass solo from You Ca

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Baker Mayfield and the Cleveland Browns at Gillette on Sunday October 27th at 4:25 PM. * Note the later start time. Just enough time for me to sneak in a Sunday afternoon Dad Nap. Do your job. My predicted score was juuuuust a bit off last week. I'm fine with that. I thought the Jets were on the way up. Nope! A couple of roster moves this week. Off the team: Josh Gordon (somewhat surprising) Michael Bennett (less surprising) On the team: Mohamed Sanu Is a second round pick for him a high price tag? Sure. But you're close this year. Load up and go for it. Baker Power Rankings: 1) Ginger 2) -'s Dozen 3) Street Irregulars 4) Anita 5) Mayfield 6) Rick 7) Joe Don 8) Kenny 9) Mark Linn- Here's three things I liked last week: 1) Another impressive week from the defense, especially the secondary. Who was this to , Sam Darnold? What do you even say to this when you'

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Sam Darnold's Spleen and the Noo Yawk Jets at MetLife Stadium on Monday October 21st at 8:15 PM. If you had to go into battle, would you want him with you? This defense is special. A+. The offense is... C- right now. Maybe that'll be good enough this year. I don't know. I'm still suggesting my "punt on 1st down, put the defense back out there" strategy. Watson Power Rankings: 1) DeShaun 2) Emma 3) Emily 4) Ben 5) Dr. John Here's three things I'm thinking about for Monday night. 1) With Josh Gordon probably out, it looks like another tough week for the wide receiver group. Jakobi Meyers might be... good? I'm not putting him in Canton (neither Ohio nor Mass) just yet, but if you throw it to him, he catches it. Functional!  Good hands! Brady needs to stop taking 4 years to trust new WRs. This team doesn't have that luxury. (To be honest, Brady has been unnecess

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Eli Manning Daniel Jones and the New York Giants at Gillette on Thursday October 10th at 8:20 PM. Ouch. Demi Power Rankings: 1) Moore 2) sexual 3) Lovato 4) -gorgon 5) glacé 6) -lle, Cecil B. We're on a short week, people. Let's keep it rolling. Here's three quick hits for Thursday. 1) Dont'a Hightower looked great out there after missing week 4. They should expand the rosters so that more players can take rest weeks. I'm only half kidding. 2) This defense against a rookie quarterback should be fun to watch. And Saquon Barkley appears to be out this week. Belly rubs for everyone!   3) Cut the kicker. Perfect Season Watch 2019 The Broncos went ahead and won a game last week, knocking themselves out of contention for the perfect 0 - 16 season. The Jets, Bengals, Washington Football Team and Dolphins are all still alive. Unfortunately Miami and Washington play each other

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play somebody * Colt McCoy and the Washington Football Team at FedExField** on Sunday October 6th at 1:00 PM. *Earlier in the week - Coach Jay Gruden on the ... QB plan for Sunday: "We don’t have one right now." **No really, that's the name. No space. Not a typo. A bit of a struggle last week at The Ralph. But an ugly win is still a win. Either than Buffalo defense is legit or the Patriot offense is in trouble. Or both. Patrick Power Rankings: 1) Star 2) Mahomes 3) Chung 4) Bateman 5) Division 6) Saint Here's three things I'll be looking for Sunday afternoon around 1:00 PM. 1) Tight End - If newly reinstated Benjamin Watson has anything left in the tank, this would be a good week to show it. 2) Defense (and special teams). Look for the defense to continue to dominate. Everywhere. All the time. Even other games. Let's review last week real quick. Blocked punt! 2a) Welcome back,

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills at the Ralph on Sunday September 29th at 1:00 PM. McCourty brothers t-shirt game is strong. Cooper Power Rankings: 1) Agent 2) Winnie 3) D. B. 4) Hangin' with Mr. 5) (guy who makes the barrels) 6) Gary 7) Chris 8) Alice 9) Bradley 10) Pat 11) Mini 12) Tires 13) Kupp 14) Black It's hard to complain about a team that's 3 and 0... but I'm going to do it anyway. Here's three things I'm a little leery of this week: 1) The running game. Other than Burkhead, the running game has been not so good. (Yes, James White was out last week.) Sony Michel feels like he's regressing. 2) Tight ends. We used to have a pretty good tight end, if I remember correctly. The TE hasn't really been part of the offense so far this season. That one play to Ryan Izzo was delightful though.  3) The defense. OK, even I can't complain about the

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Sam Darnold Trevor Siemian Luke Falk and the Noo Yawk Jets at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 22nd at 1:00 PM. YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME! There's been a lot of talk about Patriots having an easy schedule this year. That's really not their fault. They don't make up the schedule. BUT... the biggest advantage the Patriots have over other teams is... they don’t have to play against the Patriots. Mono Power Rankings: 1) - rail 2) -nucleosis 3) -treme 4) Ontario 5) Blaine the Solid win in Miami last week. If it's possible to have complaints after a 43 - 0 win, I have a few. Here are three things I didn't like last week: 1) The running game has been nothing special so far. I thought Sony Michel was going to pick up right where he left off last season. (When do we get our first Damien Harris sighting?) 2) Guys are dropping left and right from the offensive line. ( This may be relate

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Miami Dolphins on Sunday September 15th at 1:00 PM at Joe Robbie Stadium Pro Player Park Pro Player Stadium Dolphins Stadium Land Shark Hard Rock Stadium. With the help of Matthew Lesko, I'm applying for a $12,000 government loan to search for the missing Pittsburgh game plan from last week. Pretty good opening statement last week. We're going to suck again someday. And it's going to hurt a lot. But, in the meantime, I'll take this for as long as it lasts. I'm not a good enough writer to delve into all the what have yous of Antonio Brown stuff. But I will say that I don't think he's worth the trouble. The guy has more baggage than Logan airport. Kevin power rankings: 1) McCallister ( Home Alone ) 2) Durant 3) Faulk 4) Garnett 5) O'Connor 6) Youkilis 7) Smith 8) Murphy 9) McHale 10) (the bird from Up ) Here's three things I lik

The defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots play The Ben and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 8th at 8:20 PM. That's a lot of banners. Photo by me. Bailey Power Rankings 1) Jake 2) George 3) Champ 4) Irish Cream 5) Beetle Here are three things I'll be watching for Sunday night: 1) Special Teams - It's looking like this is going to be a rushing and defense team this season. Expect field position to be a major weapon. 2) Defense - On defense, get the ball back as quickly as possible. So we can punt again. 3) Offense - On offense, put up 7 points, then go three and out the rest of the game. Consider punting on third down if the situation calls for it. Did Rob Gronkowski have a catch last game?  Yes! (But probably his last one for a while...) Based on some of my recent conversations, a lot of people seem to have forgotten about R.E.M. We're going to work on that. Here's Week 1 of The Bu

The New England Patriots play Geoff Jared Goff and the St. Louis  Los Angeles Rams at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta on Sunday February 3rd at 6:30 PM. The offensive line was tremendous in the AFC Championship Game.  Game balls all around for the large men up front.  What an absolute roller coaster that game was. How many times has Tom Brady been to the Super Bowl now? Nine times?  Nine times. We’re so spoiled it’s not even funny.  Nine Super Bowl appearances in 18 years is insane. I don't want to talk about legacies or historical context or any of that.  I just want them to win one more game. Kyle Power Rankings: 1) MacLachlan 2) Selina 3) Van Noy 4) Broflovski 5) Gass Thanks Kyle Here's the  three things one thing I'll be watching for Sunday night: 1) The offensive line.  The Patriots' offensive line is the key to this game. If the offensive line keeps playing like they've played the last two games, I think they've go

The New England Patriots play Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium on Sunday January 20th at 6:40 PM. Protecting the ball even as he dives for the pylon. That was some straight up Patriots porn last week.  Definitely should have been TV-MA.  The Patriots came out and blew doors.  Game balls to Julian Edelman and Sony Michel for their efforts in last week's victory over the Chargers.  Nice job! Let's rewind the tape and see how close my predictions were last week: I expect a close, competitive game on Sunday.  Way off!  It was essentially over by halftime. I think the deciding factor will be how much of a game the Patriot's running backs have collectively  Pretty close! Brown Power Rankings: 1) Troy 2) Clancy 3) Millie Bobby 4) W. Earl 5) Sterling K. 6) Charlie 7) Jim 8) Alton 9) Samantha 10) Bobby 11) Foxy Here are three areas of concern for me this Sunday night: 1) The defense - Mahomes scares

The New England Patriots play Philip Rivers and the San Diego  Los Angeles Chargers at Gillette Stadium in the AFC Divisional Playoff round on Sunday January 13th at 1:05 PM. Who's got two index fingers and isn't going anywhere?  That guy! Getting a first round bye nine years in a row is amazing.  Nine years in a row!  I'll be shocked if that ever happens again. I expect a close, competitive game on Sunday. I think the deciding factor will be how much of a game the Patriot's running backs have collectively (both running the ball and catching the ball out of the backfield). Wall Power Rankings: 1) -E 2) Mending 3) -ace Shawn 4) Wonder 5) Another Brick in the 6) John Here are the running backs I'll be keeping a close eye on on Sunday: 1) James White - 87 receptions for James White this season.  Not bad! 2) Rex Burkhead - Burkhead has proven to be force in the running game and the passing game*.    (*when he's healthy) 3) Sony Mic