Friday, November 21, 2014

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 12

The Patriots play their eleventh game of the year at Gillette Stadium against the Detroit Lions on Sunday November 23 at 1:00 PM.

Thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Western New York. Mostly because they have to watch the Bills every week.  But also because of the weather.

Game ball to Jonas Gray.  Obviously.



Thursday plans


Pie Power Rankings:

1) Apple Pie

2) Pecan Pie

3) Blueberry Pie

4) Crack Pie

5) Chocolate Cream Pie


Honorable mention to the Tollhouse Cookie Pie thing they have at Gregg's in Providence.  I don't know if it's technically pie, but it sure is tasty.

Here are five guys I'm looking forward to watching on Sunday:

1) Jonas Gray - I'm guessing we won't see quite as much Jonas Gray this week.  But wow... What a game.

2) Jamie Collins - Collins was all over the place last week.

3) Rob Gronkowski - Is he fun to watch or what?  I'm calling it now.  He's not just the best Patriots Tight End ever...  He's the best Tight End of all time.  You're free to disagree with me... But you'd be wrong.

4) The Offensive Line - Much, much better on this winning streak.  I am relieved.  I especially liked when they went heavy with an extra tackle and ran all over Indy.

5) LeGarrette Blount - Welcome back,  LeGarrette Blount.  Try to at least stick around for the whole game this time.


My prediction: Pats 27, Lions 17

*****
This week we have Fake Josh McDaniels filling for Fake Bill Belichick.

What up, Bros and Lady Bros?

So I'm getting my squats on at the Temple of Brodin achieving new levels of swole, (ed., lifting weights maybe?) and who I do I see out of the corner of my eye... Is that Silent Bob?  Why it's Matt Patricia!  On a treadmill!

     Me:  What are you doing in here?

     Matt: Oh... You know... Too much Halloween candy.  And Thanksgiving is next week.

     Me: Have you been properly instructed on the use of this machine?

     Matt: Yes, Josh.  I know how to use a treadmill.

     Me: OK.  Don't get too skinny.  I like you large.  I don't want you able to sneak up on me.

I goof on the guy... But I actually respect him.  I mean... Defense is still for tools.  But when Bill retires and hands the reins over to me, I might let Panda Express stick around.  He can get my coffees and fix my laptop and stuff.

He just can't pick the music for practice.  None of that nerdy Rush stuff.

I better send him a pie.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 11

The Patriots play their tenth game of the year at Lucas Oil Stadium against the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday November 16 at 8:30 PM.

Welcome back!  Everybody rested and ready after the bye week?  All those little nagging injuries healing up?  Great!  Let's jump right into it.

I thought they had a chance to beat the Broncos last game... But I never thought it would be a 22 point thrashing.  That was great to watch.

Game Ball to Julian Edelman.  He's fast.

Darrelle Power Rankings:

1) Revis


That was a hell of a catch.

Here's five guys on defense I'll be watching this week:

1) Dominique Easley - Easley was in and out of practice all week.  With Chandler Jones still on the shelf, now would be a good time for Easley to step up.  I'm guessing "lingering knee issues" aren't fun when you're 290 pounds...

2) Vince Wilfork - ...and coming back from a torn achilles at 325 (350?  360?) must be even harder.  I'll admit... I was in the "cut him" camp last offseason.  But he's playing way better than I expected coming off of last year's injury.  I'm happy to admit I was wrong.

3) Dont'a Hightower - Appears to be handling the move to inside linebacker much more smoothly this season.

4) Rob Ninkovich - Sweet interception against Peyton, Ninky.  You're alright in my book.

5) Brandon Browner - I'm starting to see the benefit of having a Big Bully out on the edges.  But it also feels like you could throw a flag on him on almost every play.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

Nope.


Was Aaron Dobson active last week?

Nope.


Danny Amendola Reception Tracker:

Amendola now has 9 more receptions than I do for the season.


My prediction: Pats 34, Colts 31

*****

This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.

Had a little extra room in the schedule over the bye week.  Watched E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial.  It gets a little sad at the end.  Emotions and whatnot.

That's what it was like when Vinatieri left the Patriots after the 2005 season.

I knew he couldn't stay forever.  But I was still sad to see him go.

(Tom cried like Drew Barrymore.  Both when watching the movie and when Vinatieri left.)

I'm not saying I'd do things differently.  I'm not real big on regret.  There's no point.  Move forward.

And besides.  Gostkowski has been a great asset for our team.  No complaints there.

But Adam meant a lot to our team.  It'll be tough seeing him out there in a Colts uniform on Sunday.

True story.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 9

The Patriots play their ninth game of the year at Gillette Stadium against the Denver Broncos on Sunday, November 2 at 4:25 PM.

Biggest game of the year?  Biggest game of the year.

The Patriots have a chance this week.  I really think it comes down to how well the New England secondary plays.

The Bears looked lost last week.  Are they really that bad?  Whoa.

Lots of Game Balls to go around last week.  Oh... Let's say... LaFell, Gronk and Brady.  (Sure.  Why not?)


Halloween Candy Power Rankings:

1) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

2) Kit Kat

3) Snickers

4) M&Ms (also... peanut > plain)

5) Twix

...

11,997) Candy Corn

11,998) Charleston Chew



Here are five match-ups I'll be watching this week:

1) Peyton Manning vs. The Scoreboard Operator -  The scoreboard operator in Denver was making the crowd get all rowdy while Denver had the ball last week (gasp!) and Peyton was kinda a dick about it.

2) Peyton Manning vs. The Weather - Peyton does poorly in bad weather.  (INSERT SHOCKING STATISTICS HERE.)

3) Brandon LaFell vs. Aqib Talib - I'm guessing this is the match-up Denver goes with on defense.  LaFell has really come on strong the last few games.

4) Julian Edelman vs. The Drops - What's up with Edelman?  Why does he have the yips all the sudden?  He went from being the whole offense for the first few games to now being the 3rd or 4th option.

5) Rob Gronkowski vs. Everyone - I swear there was a play last week where it took FOUR Bears defenders to bring Gronk down.  I know I'm a huge homer here... But I really think Gronk is the best tight end of all time.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

Nope.


Was Aaron Dobson active last week?

Nope.


Danny Amendola Reception Tracker:

Amendola now has 7 more receptions than I do for the season.


My prediction: Pats 31, Broncos 28

*****

This week we have Fake Matt Patricia filling for Fake Bill Belichick.

Hello Carbon Based Lifeforms.  I hope this correspondence finds you well.

My Robert Baratheon costume was a big hit at King Richard's Faire.  Nobody recognized me.

I wore the same outfit for handing out candy on Halloween.  Some people thought I was Hagrid.  Other people guessed Yukon Cornelius.

All fine choices.  I'll have to write these down for future costumed endeavors.

But now... We've got all this leftover candy in the house.  HUGE piles of it even.

It's like Cersei is trying to poison me.  Very slowly...