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Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 16

The Patriots play their fifteenth game of the year at M&T Bank Stadium against the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday, December 22 at 4:25 PM.*

*ADJUSTED TIME.  PLAN YOUR DRINKING AND EATING ACTIVITIES ACCORDINGLY.

Don't anybody panic or anything... But there's still a very slight chance we miss the playoffs.

This is in sharp contrast to the "inside track at the number one seed" we had a week or so ago.

Gasp!

DEEP BREATHS.



We lost to THIS TEAM last week.

Days of Christmas Power Rankings:

1) Day 9

2) Day 5

3) Day 8

4) Day 6

5) Day 3


Here are five guys on defense who will need to step up this week if the Patriots are going to be beat the Ravens:

1) Chandler Jones - I have nothing but positive things to say about Chandler Jones this season.

2) Dont'a Hightower - I don't really have any positive things to say about Hightower this season.

3) Brandon Spikes - Didn't play last week against Miami, but Spikes has played reasonably well filling in for Mayo in the middle…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 15

The Patriots play their fourteenth game of the year at Joe Robbie Stadium Pro Player Park Pro Player Stadium Dolphin Stadium Dolphins Stadium Land Shark Stadium Sun Life Stadium against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday December 15 at 1:00 PM.



THAT GUY!  THAT GUY DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS AFTER USING THE BATHROOM!
Bill Power Rankings:

1) Belichick

2) Murray

3) Clinton

4) Cosby

5) Posters

6) S. Preston, Esq

7) Buffalo

8) Gates

9) Parcells

10) -y dee williams

11) the Cat


Here are five guys who will need to step up this week if the Patriots are going to be beat the Dolphins:

1) Shane Vereen - Another solid week last week.  Believe it or not, he's the team's third leading receiver for the year.  There might still be time to put a Vereen jersey on your Christmas wishlist.

2) Stephen Gostkowski - HOLY CRAP!  ONSIDE KICK!  (Last time the Pats recovered an onside kick was... 1994.)

3) LeGarrette Blount - Considering we got him for almost nothing, he's been quietly putting together a pre…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 14

The Patriots play their thirteenth game of the year at Gillette Stadium against the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, December 8th at 1:00 PM.


We gave up HOW MANY points to the Texans last week?

This is pretty much what I looked like getting up from the table on Thanksgiving.
These late comebacks are getting to be rough on my stress levels. I should just start watching these games in the second half.

Maybe this week they get a big lead early and put the Browns away for good. The Browns are starting (spins Quarterback Wheel of Doom) Jason Campbell at QB this week. Sure. Am I afraid of Jason Campbell? Not really. But I'll freely admit... Josh Gordon scares me more than a little.

Marcus Power Rankings:

1) Aurelius

2) Allen
3) Brody

4) Cannon

5) Neiman

Here the All Stars of the Patriots offense so far this season (other than TB12): 1) Rob Gronkowski - Even with missing the first 7 weeks, he's putting up great numbers (560 yards and 4 TDs in just 6 games). They're a much better team w…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 12

The Patriots play their eleventh game of the year at Gillette Stadium against the Denver Broncos on Sunday, November 24th at 8:30 PM.

Another late night game?  I'm going to be sooo tired Monday morning.


Congratulations, Panthers.  Good win.


Not holding.

I'm going to be honest guys... I'm more than a little worried about this game.  I'd be a more pumped up if we had won last week.  But alas... we did not.

Tom Brady blah blah Peyton Manning blah blah best quarterbacks ever blah blah blah.

Today is also the 1 year anniversary of the Buttfumble.  Never forget.

Here's five guys I'll be staying up late to watch Sunday night:

1) Shane Vereen - Excellent first week back from injured reserve.  A running back who can catch is a nice luxury.

2) Rob Gronkowski - Gronk needs to fight through that hold.  Take that linebacker with you.

3) Aqib Talib - Listed as day to day.  I would feel a lot better about this game if I knew Talib and Alfonzo Dennard were 100%.  Talib seems to…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 11

The Patriots play their tenth game of the year at Bank of America Stadium against the Carolina Panthers on Monday, November 18 at 8:40 PM.

Welcome back.  It feels like forever since we've last seen a Patriots game.

How'd the Patriots look against the Steelers?  Pretty good!

Shane Vereen may play again this week.  Looking forward to seeing him back out there.


COACH GOING TO YELL AT THE BEN.  TOTALLY NOT THE BEN'S FAULT!

Andre Power Rankings

1) the Giant

2) 3000

3) Carter

4) that seal movie

5) Dawson


Here's five guys I'll be staying up late to watch Monday night:

1) Tom Brady - Brady had  432 yards and 4 TDs last week (252 yards in the first half) against Pittsburgh.  Plus he looked the most comfortable I've seen him all season.

2) Aaron Dobson - It feels like Dobson is finally breaking away from the other rookie WRs.

3) Stevan Ridley - Ridley has been looking strong.

4) Chandler Jones - 8.5 sacks already this year.  That's a lot of sack.

5) Danny Amendola - I…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 9

The Patriots play their ninth game of the year at Gillette against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday November 3rd at 4:25 PM.

Weird win last week.  I can't ever remember a football game where the 1st half and the 2nd half were so drastically different.

Despite losing bodies left and right, the defense continues to step up.  I have no idea how they're doing it.

Does Brady have a broken hand / finger?  Is that what's going on here?  How long has that been going on?  That would explain a lot.  Not everything.  But a lot.

Halloween Candy Power Rankings:

1) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

2) Kit Kat

3) Snickers

4) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (again)

5) M&Ms

Also... Screw "fun sized" candy.  All that does is make me eat 7 of them.  Not cool, guys.


Didn't drop that one.

Here's five guys I'll be watching this week as I recover from my Halloween candy hangover:

1) Stevan Ridley - Wondering why they're not giving him more carries.  Maybe they're sa…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 8

The Patriots play their eighth game of the year at Gillette against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday October 27th at 1:00 PM.

Bad, bad loss last week.  Not good times, you guys.

I know this sounds absurd to say about a 5 - 2 team, but... I think this team is just... average.  They have a chance to move up to "good" by the end of the season, but they're not there yet.  The offense has to get better.  And they can't afford to lose any more bodies on defense.

To put it mildly, the offense has had problems.  It's not entirely on Brady... But yes... A large chunk of it is on Brady.  Yes, he's got an almost entirely new cast of characters around him.  But he's definitely been less good-ish this year.  Is he on the decline?  Is this the beginning of the end?  Is he just off to bad start?  Insufficient data.  Ask again later.

Brady vs. the Jets last week:

     22 of 46 for 228 yards.  4 sacks.  0 TDs.  1 INT.

Woof.

I'm also willing to listen to the argument that …

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 7

The Patriots play their seventh game of the year at Giants Stadium MetLife Stadium against the New York Jets on Sunday October 20th at 1:00 PM.

Here's what I wrote last week:

The Patriots are going to get killed on Sunday.  It's going to be ugly.

I'm happy to say I was wrong.  Oh so wrong.

That was a pretty good catch.
Rob Ryan... How'd you feel about the way that game ended?

Sad howl at moon.
Unfortunately, the injuries continue to pile up.   Danny Amendola, Tommy Kelly, Leon Washington and Aqib Talib all appear to be out this week (Amendola still doesn't know where he is after that hit).  Jerod Mayo is done for the year.  This is not a good trend.

Has Brady been bitching at his receivers too much this season?  Edelman is clearly sick of his crap.



Here are five guys who will have to pick up the slack this week against the surprisingly not horrible Jets:

1) Kenbrell Thompkins - Thompkins, you get the nod this week.  Game ball for my man.  You may have only caught half…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 6

The Patriots play their sixth game of the year at Gillette against the New Orleans Saints on Sunday October 13th at 4:25 PM.

The Patriots are going to get killed on Sunday.  It's going to be ugly.

Here's five things to do instead of watching football this week:

1) Go see a movie.  I hear Gravity is pretty good.

2) Go read a book.

3) Go outside.  Maybe run or go for a bike ride.  Check out some foliage.

4) Go to the Scottish Festival in Connecticut.

5) Bake a pie.  I like apple pie.  And pecan.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

Yes!


My prediction: Pats 10, Saints 38

My prediction (Season): 10 - 6

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 5

The Patriots play their fifth game of the year at Paul Brown Stadium against the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday October 6th at 1:00 PM.

Did we just put up 30 points last week?

Are we really 4 - 0?

How are we 4 - 0?

/pinches self

Apparently cornerbacks are allowed to knock the ball away from opposing players.   It's been years since the Patriots have tried that.
Now we're facing a Bengals team that I don't know what to make of.  They beat the Packers one week, then lose to the Browns the next week.  Are these guys any good?

The Patriots brought in former colts receiver Austin Collie this week.  Collie had... wait for it... 1 catch for 6 yards in all of 2012.  In addition to his concussion issues, Collie also apparently has 1 good knee.  Awesome.  Way to surround Brady with weapons.  Once again... let's keep our expectations low.

Also... Moment of silence for Vince Wilfork who was just placed on season ending injured reserve (torn Achilles tendon... try not to put any weigh…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 4

The Patriots play their fourth game of the year at the Georgia Dome against the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday September 29th at 8:30 PM.

After a 3 - 0 start, we're playing our first real team of the season this week (sorry Bills fans).  The schedule gets a lot more challenging over the next few weeks.  Everybody hold on to your butts.

The "Gronkowski  is back" rumors are heating up this week.  Eh.  I'll believe it when I see him on the field.  Until then, he's Keyser Soze. ("Nobody believed he was real... Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him...")

Last week I referred to Rob Ninkovich as a "gem".  This week, he got a three year contract extension.  Coincidence?  Yes, probably.


Bill is super excited for Sunday's game, you guys.

How are the new WRs working out so far?

Catches per game:

Week 1Week 2Week 3Kenbrell Thompkins423Aaron Dobson037Josh Boyce000Total4510

Not great!

But getting... better... I guess?  (Better-i…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 3

The Patriots play their third game of the year at Gillette against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday September 22nd at 1:00 PM.

Bluh.

I don't ever remember being 2 - 0 and feeling this lousy about my team.

The defense has looked good so far.

The offense has looked... not good.

Fortunately Tom Brady is being super patient and understanding with the young receivers and not making too big a deal out of things.


WHY MUST I BE SO HANDSOME?!
I feel bad for Brady.  I'm sure this isn't how he planned his last few years in the league.  Hopefully this offense gets better fast.  (NOTE: Also remember this man literally goes home to his supermodel wife and owns a castle with a moat.  Let's not feel too bad for him.)

It's not time to hit thePANIC BUTTON just yet.   But maybe we break out thelower your expectations button for this season.  (See that?  That's a much less threatening font.)


Stephen Power Rankings:

1) King

2) Colbert

3) Gostkowski

4) Hawking

5) Malkmus

6) Chow

7)…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 2

The Patriots play their second game of the year at Gillette against the New York Jets on Thursday September 12th at 8:25 PM.

That was a horrible win in Buffalo last week.  That was the very definition of an ugly win.  LET'S OVERREACT TO EVERYTHING WE JUST SAW!

There was NO pass rush.  There was NO pass defense.

The running game was good... Except for the fumbles.

The new wide receivers looked lost.  (Belichick's going to pull 4 guys out of the stands next week and see if Brady can throw to them.)  Brady must have thrown a fit on the flight back. (A very handsome, stylish fit of anger...)

The good news is the defense only gave up 14 points.

The bad news is Kenbrell Thompkins just fell over again (maybe there's a reason he went undrafted).


I must have this outfit.
Jamie Power Rankings:

1) Lannister  (what?  It's Jaime Lannister?  Eh... Close enough.)

2) Collins

3) 's Cryin'

4) Lee Curtis  (Relevant!)

5) Farr
...
11,895) Lynn Sigler

Jets fans: How are you feeling ab…

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 1

The Patriots play their first game of the year at The Ralph against the Buffalo Bills of Western New York and the Greater Toronto Area on Sunday September 8th at 1:00 PM.

Another off-season is in the books.  Football is BACK!



I'm guessing this will be a bit of a down year for the Patriots.  Too much roster turnover on offense.  But, thankfully, for this team that means going 10 and 6.

The AFC East is just... bad.  Awful.  Rather terrible, even.  I don't see how they go less than 5 - 1 in the division.  Then it's just play .500 against the rest of the teams on the schedule.  Boom.  10 and 6.

I'm not even expecting good out of this defense.  I'd be happy with just average.


I have no idea who this is. Nate Power Rankings:
1) Solder
2) Fisher 
3) Dogg  (What?  He's dead?  R.I.P., Nate Dogg)
4) Silver
5) the Great
6) Ebner
7) Robinson
The good news is we still have TB12.  And as long as you have Brady, you've got a chance.  But... Who is he throwing to?  And what…

Five Things to Watch This Week - AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

The Patriots play their second playoff game of the season at Gillette against the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday January 22, 2012 at 3:00 PM January 20, 2013 at 6:30 PM.

Same matchup as last year.  It's deja vu all over again.

I think this year's Pats are better than last year's.

Defense = improved.  It's not a stretch to say this year's defense is better than last year's historically bad D.

Offense = Hot damn!  A running game!

I'm not saying we're going to win.  But I like our chances.

I'm hoping the fatigue from the extra playoff game AND two overtimes last week catches up to Baltimore.  Their defense is old.  They lost 4 of their last 5 regular season. Time to unleash the Speed Crush offense.



Nice catch.
Brandon Power Rankings:

1) Spikes

2) Lloyd

3) Deaderick

4) Bolden

(We had 4 Brandons play in the game last week.  That's gotta be some kind of record, right?  The Patriots lead the league in Brandons.)

Also... Brandon Spikes Dance!


Here's fiv…

Five Things to Watch This Week - PLAYOFFS!

The Patriots play their first playoff game of the season at Gillette against the Houston Texans on Sunday January 13th at 4:30 PM.

You excited?  I'm excited.

It's supposed to be upper 40s mid-50s here on Sunday.  So much for our outdoor home field advantage in January against a southern team.  On other hand... Fire up the grill!



***fart noise***

Fictional Dad Power Rankings:

1) Frank Costanza, "Seinfeld"

2) Randy Marsh, "South Park"

3) Kirk Van Houten, "The Simpsons"

4) Professor Henry Jones, "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"

5) Royal Tenenbaum, "The Royal Tenenbaums"


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Stevan Ridley - Please hang on to the football... Please hang on to the football... Please hang on to the football...

2) Vince Wilfork - Just had one of his best seasons ever.  I love the Big Man.

3) Rob Gronkowski - Don't forget the Patriots beat the Texans last time without Gronk.  If he's …