Saturday, January 21, 2017

Three Things to Watch This Week - AFC Conference Championship

The AFC #1 seed New England Patriots play Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Gillette on Sunday January 22nd at 6:40 PM.


That kick return (makes Italian chef kissing fingers gesture).

First half of divisional round game against the Texans was ugly.  Sloppy!  Patriots rusty from the bye week?  Were the Texans just playing out of their mind?  Eh.  Maybe a little bit of both.

This is a very good Steelers team the Patriots are playing this week.  But it doesn't feel like a very deep Steelers team.  The Patriots defense should be able to take away Pittsburgh's main offensive weapons.

Supposedly half the Steelers have the flu.  Genius Bill Belichick strikes again!  Diabolical.

Ben Power Rankings:

1) Franklin

2) & Jerry’s

3) Dover

4) edict Cumberbatch

5) Roethlisberger

6) Folds

7) Gazzara

8) icio Del Toro


Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching Sunday night:

1) Malcolm Butler - It's Butler vs. Antonio Brown!  Probably!  With safety help over the top sometimes!  (Unless they put Butler on the number 2 receiver and double Brown full time!)  Sunday Sunday Sunday!

2) Chris Hogan - Are we doing the deep ball thing as the primary focus of the offense again this week?  Yikes, I hope not.  But I'll feel much better about it if Hogan is back out there.

3) Dion Lewis - Oh my, that kick off return was a thing of beauty.  But that fumble?  Not so much.   ("Great day for ball-security! Right, Dion?")


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchell have a catch last week?  No.  He was hurt.  Hopefully he's back out there this week.

My prediction: Pats 27, Steelers 24


*****
This week we have Fake Matt Patricia filling in for Fake Bill Belichick.

Hello Carbon Based Lifeforms.

I interviewed with the Los Angeles Rams about their job opening on the bye week.  Very informative!

I learned a lot about the whole process and how other teams conduct their business.

But it's important to not just take any old job.  It has to be a good fit for both sides.

I asked if I would still be allowed to do tech support around the office if I was head coach.  They didn't seem to be too keen on that idea.

Oh well.  I think I'd be a little sad if I had to give that up.  I like solving problems.  It's all about helping people, you know?

(Be sure to check for updated virus definitions and run your anti-virus program once a week.)

Until next time...

P.S.  Have you guys seen Rogue One yet?  Direct message me and we'll talk about it.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Three Things to Watch This Week - Divisional Playoff Round

The AFC #1 seed New England Patriots play Brock Osweiler Tom Savage Brock Osweiler and the Houston Texans at Gillette on Saturday January 14th at 8:15 PM.


This could be Vince's last game.  Shout out to the Big Man.

Are you excited for this game?  I'm excited for this game.

O'Brien Power Rankings

1) Miles

2) Richard

3) Conan

4) Bill

5) Chloe

Here's three things I'm looking forward to watching Saturday night:

1) LeGarrette Blount - Feels like a Blount force trauma game.  (Late editorial note: LeGarrette Blount (Illness) Misses Practice For Second Straight Day.  Yikes.  Scratch that.)

2) Offensive Line - The line had a heck of a good year.  Brady stayed clean.  The running backs had plenty of room.  Shout out to Dante Scarnecchia for coming out of retirement.

3) Dont'a Hightower - I think he's healthy again.  They've been moving him around more lately.  Watch where they have him line up before the play starts.  On the edge.  Off the line.  In the middle.


FREE AGENT WATCH: Has Malcolm Butler, Jamie Collins or Dont'a Hightower been resigned yet?  Not yet!

Did Malcolm Mitchell have a catch last week?  No.  He was hurt.  But he finished with 32 catches on the year.  Feels pretty good for a rookie on a team with that many weapons.  I'll take it.


My prediction: Pats 31, Texans 14


*****
Vincent Lamar Wilfork entered our world via a portal in the swamps of Florida on November 4th, 1981.  Drafted 21st overall in the 2004 draft.

He stands hundreds of meters tall and wide, with human-like arms and legs.  Unconfirmed reports claim there may also be a pair of great and magnificent wings on his back under his shoulder pads.

He is much faster than one would believe.  How could someone be so massive and yet so simultaneously nimble?

Sometimes known to eat a roasted emu between quarters.  It is said he changes gravity itself when he takes the field.

Both elder god and human flesh in one body, simply looking upon the man is enough to drive an offensive linemen to the very edge of his sanity.

Excels in taking on two or more blockers at once.  Running backs are advised to go around him rather than run at him.


"Notes on a Defensive Tackle", Howard Phillips Lovecraft, defensive scouting assistant, special to Thursday Morning Third Down Back