Friday, November 30, 2012

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 13 (Game 12)


The Patriots play their twelfth regular season game at at Joe Robbie Stadium Pro Player Park Pro Player Stadium  Dolphins Stadium Land Shark Stadium Sun Life Stadium against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday, December 2nd at 1:00 PM.

Holy crap... It's already December.  The season is 75% over.  Noooooo!

Savor every last bite.


Was there any way I wasn't going to go with this image?  No.

Before we start with the Dolphins, let's take a moment to look back and reflect on the Thanksgiving Massacre in North Jersey.  So much Jets schadenfreude!  (Rex-enfreude?)

Remember - That game was 0 - 0 at the end of the first quarter.  Then 7 minutes of game time later and it was 35 - 0 and pretty much over.  Whoa.

That game had everything you could want.

Passing touchdowns?  Check

Rushing touchdowns?  Check

Defensive touchdowns?  Check.

Special teams touchdowns?  Check.

LOL-Sanchez moments?  Check.

I've been spending about 20 minutes a day every day since then watching this.  It just makes me happy.  That play will be on Jets "highlight" reels for years.

Go...  Go ahead... spend 20 minutes watching it right now... I'll wait for you.  You deserve a little happiness.

/waits 20 minutes

OK... You back?  Good.


Sebastian Power Rankings:

1) Bach

2) Vollmer

3) Belle and

4) that crab from "The Little Mermaid"

5) Janikowski


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Julian Edelman - Edelman gets ANOTHER game ball for his performance last week.  Two weeks in a row.

2) Shane Vereen - Excellent run after the catch last week.

3) Dont’a Hightower - Watch to see if they send him after to the Quarterback a bit more this week with Cunnigham and Jones out.

4) Brandon Spikes - Putting together a career year.  Leads team in penalties.  Has a sex tape.

5) Vince Wilfork - Big Man picked up a guy and backed him into Mark Sanchez last week.  Enough said.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

No.

/sad trombone


My prediction (Game 12): Pats 35, Dolphins 21

My prediction (Season): 11 - 5 (Steady from last week.)

Nut up or move on.


*****


This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":

Scott Pioli and his team had the draft board out.  One year, just for fun, before we went to work on the actual NFL draft, we decide to do a fake draft with movie bad guys.  (The scouting guys are always a little too tightly wound.  They spend all their time either watching tape or on the road.  You've got to let them blow off a little steam once in a while.)

Pioli, being a huge Star Wars nerd, takes Darth Vader with the first pick.  By the time his turn came around again, he was forced to take Grand Moff Tarkin.

Brady was wandering in and out of the room.  He kept asking if he could take Lord Voldemort.   If he wasn't there, we'd skip his turn.  Sit down and pay attention if you want to be part of the game!  You'd think he went to Hogwarts or something.  Stop acting like such a Hufflepuff!

I trade out of the first round for more picks.  I end up with The Joker, Agent Smith, Hans Gruber and John Kreese (the Cobra Kai Sensei guy).  That's a good, deep roster right there.  Needless to say, I think I won that little game.

One of the younger scouts drafted Eric Mangini as a joke.  We all had a good laugh at that.  (But seriously... Eff that guy...)

True story.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 12 (Game 11)


The Patriots play their eleventh regular season game at MetLife Stadium against the New York Jets on Thursday, November 22nd at 8:20 PM.

Is anything better than Thanksgiving?  (Answer: no).

Excellent win last week.  Fifty nine points on the board.  Solid all around.

Good times, right?  Unfortunately, the biggest story coming out of that game was Rob Gronkowski's injury.  He'll be out 4 to 6 weeks after surgery to repair a broken arm (I wonder if he can appear to Goodell and get it reduced to 2?).

This also means it'll be a while longer until we finally see the Five Tight End Voltron Offense on the field.  Boo.



It'll be a while before we see this again.


Ryan Power Rankings:

1) Nolan

2) Gosling

3) Jack

4) Private

5) Rob

6) Jeri

7) Bob

8) Matt

9) Fitzpatrick

10) Rex


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Julian Edelman - Edelman gets a game ball for his performance last week.  VERY GOOD, JULIAN.  NICE JOB.

2) Visanthe Shiancoe - With Gronk out, maybe we can finally unleash the Shiancoe monster this week.

3) Aaron Hernandez - A Hernandez sighting this week would also be nice.  Rumor has it he's going to play.

4) Stevan Ridley - Stevan had his worst game yet last week.  Hopefully he gets it going again this week.

5) Alfonzo Dennard - This dude was a 7th round pick and he's probably our 2nd best corner at this point.  Ooof.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

No.

/sad trombone


My prediction (Game 11): Pats 38, Jets 24

My prediction (Season): 11 - 5 (Steady from last week.)

Nut up or move on.


*****


This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":


Is it Thanksgiving again already?  Wow... The time just flies.

A lot of people ask... What am I thankful for?

Friends?  Family?  A good team owner?  A hall of fame quartback?  Being in first place?  Playing the Bills twice a year?  Facing Mark Sanchez this week?

Well, sure.  All those things.  But right now, I'm mostly thankful for Rush's "Chronicles".

"Really, Bill?  A greatest hits album?"  Yup.  Even though I've got all their early Rush albums (my 8-track player still works...), it's just great to have all those songs right in one spot.

"But they're not even from Jersey.  They're from Canada!"  Don't hold that against them.  They do some excellent work.

I'll be listening to "Chronicles" the whole way down to the Jets game on Thursday.  And the whole way back.

I got no time for livin'.  Yes, I'm workin' all the time.

They call me the working man.  I guess that's what I am.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 11 (Game 10)


The Patriots play their tenth regular season game at Gillette against the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday November 18th at 4:25 PM.

Apparently the Colts have... a new quarterback?... or something?  I don't know... I wasn't able to find anything out about him for you guys.  Sorry.

The 4:25 PM games are not good for me personally.  The five year-old has a very limited attention span.  A three hour football game doesn't offer him too much.

"Is football over yet?"

"I want to watch a mooooovieeeee!"

"Why does Dad get to watch TV during dinner?"

In between downs I have to play ball and wrestle and do general parenting activites.  It makes watching the games rather hectic.

I'm contemplating Tivo'ing the game and watching it after the Small People have gone to bed.  Not good times.

...or it might be time to get the kid hooked on gambling.  Either one.


Belichick showing a better arm than either Sanchez or Tebow.


Branch Power Rankings:

1) Executive

2) Deion

3) Legislative

4) Judicial

5) Michelle


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Aqib Talib - Oooh!  New toys!  The nice thing is he only has to come in and be "average" and he'll automatically be the best corner on the team.

2) Chandler Jones - Is he hitting the Rookie Wall and slowing down a little bit for the second half of the season?  I don't know.  I'm asking you.  I thought maybe you'd like to add something to the conversation.  Jeez, don't get all defensive or nothin'.

3) Brandon Spikes - Apparently he's a "punk" according to some of the Buffalo Bills.  I'm just glad someone on defense is playing well enough to get noticed.  Do you realize how many years it's been since someone on the Patriots defense actually made contact with another person?

4) Devin McCourty - The  McCourty rollercoaster ride continues with a game winning pick last week.  I honestly can't remember a player with higher highs and lower lows.

5) Vince Wilfork - Just his usually, solid, spectactular self this year.  No big deal.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

No.

/sad trombone


My prediction (Game 10): Pats 35, Colts 34

My prediction (Season): 11 - 5 (Steady from last week.)

Nut up or move on.


*****


This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":



Everybody seemed to like my Randy Moss story from earlier this year, so here's another quick one.

Randy's first season with us was in 2007.  Our first home game of the year was week 2 against the Chargers (side note - I don't usually like to badmouth other coaches... But how the hell does Norv Turner still have a job?  Seriously.).

Randy scores late in the first quarter then comes over to me with a panicked look on his face.

Randy Moss: COACH!  SOMEONE IS SHOOTING AT ME!

Me: What?

Randy Moss: There's a bunch of guys dressed up like Pilgrims or something and they're shooting at me every time I score a touch down.

Me: That's just part of the touch down celebration here in New England.  Nothing to worry about.  Technically, they're supposed to be minuteman.  And they're firing blanks.

Randy Moss: You sure?

Me: Absolutely.

Randy Moss:  OK.  In Oakland, people shot live rounds.


Right.  I probably should have warned him about that before the season started.  That one was on me.

Randy was a little skittish during home games for a while, but eventually things worked out OK.  And I still say his 2007 season is the best season ever by a wide reciver.

True story.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Five Things to Watch This Week - Week 10 (Game 9)


The Patriots play their ninth regular season game at Gillette against the Buffalo Bills of Western New York and the Greater Toronto Area on Sunday November 11th at 1:00 PM.

OK...  Enough bye-week crap.  Let's get right back to it.



When in England, Ridley runs on the left side of the field.


White Power Rankings (wait a minute... that doesn't sound right...):

1) Walter

2) Gandalf

3) Stripes

4) Walkers

5) Tracy


Here's five things I'll be watching for this week:

1) Stevan Ridley - Ridley had 106 yards and 2 TDs against Buffalo last time out.  I like it!

2) Aaron Hernandez - I'd like to see Hernandez get it going again this week.  He's been off since returning from his injury.

3) Wes Welker - Don't look now, but Julian Edelman's backup is having a killer season.

4) and 5) Sebastian Vollmer and Nate Solder - The offensive line was a major question mark at the beginning of the season.  The fact that we're not talking about them more is significant.


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?

Yes!


My prediction (Game 9): Pats 35, Bills 21 (I know I said I was done predicting blowouts... But c'mon... IT'S THE BILLS!)

My prediction (Season): 11 - 5 (Steady from last week.)

Nut up or move on.


*****


This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":

A lot of people were freaking out about Rob Gronkowski's off the field antics this off season.

Magazine covers.  Parties.  Shirtless pics with porn stars.  TV dating shows.  It was the Summer of Gronk everywhere you looked.

How is it going to affect him on the field?  

Is football still important to him?

Bah!  Way overblown if you ask me.

You want to know a secret?  I've partied with him.  And he's a blast to be around.  As long as he keeps showing up on Sundays ready to play, I'm fine with it.

Plus he hooked me up a couple pairs on Zubaz.  Have you guys worn these?  They're GREAT.  I haven't worn them to a game yet, but I'm thinking about it.

Besides... Have you seen the way Brady dresses?  I'm not going to that guy for fashion tips.  Sorry.

True story.