Thursday Morning Third Down Back

The New England Patriots play Trevor Lawrence and the Jacksonville Jaguars at EverBank Stadium (♩ ♪ If EverBank could ever be this real forever... If EverBank could ever be this good again ♩ ♪) on Sunday September 27th at 1:00 PM. However fast you think TreVeyon Henderson is, he's faster. So... where are we after two weeks? Admittedly it's a small sample size. Looks like a solid defense and a, oh let's be generous and call it a *ahem* questionable offense so far. Self scouting - how were my "Three Things" picks from last week? Significantly better! I'll give myself a B+. Back to the Future Part II Power Rankings (for actors other than Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox): 1) Elisabeth Shue. She should be in more things. 2) Tom Wilson. (Dude is legit hilarious in these movies.) 3) Lea Thompson. 4) Holy crap, is that Billy Zane? 5) Holy crap, is that Elijah Wood? Bonus item: Wesley Mann ("I think he took his wallet!") Three Things I'm Irrational...

The New England Patriots play the corpse of Aaron Rodgers and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Gillette on Sunday September 20th at 1:00 PM. Ahhh... yes. Football. On a Sunday. Much better. Oh Romeo... That Seattle defense is just brutal. Going to be having nightmares about them for a while. But also... we didn't do ourselves any favors down the stretch. Self scouting - how were my "Three Things" picks from last week? A.J. Brown got hurt early in the game. Romeo Doubs dropped a crucial ball late that hit him right in the hands that would have had a major impact on the game. And Lomu didn't play at all on offense. So... I'll give myself an F + for Week 1. Over the Garden Wall Power Rankings 1) Gregory (...and that's a rock fact!) 2) Gregory's Frog (man, that frog can sing...) 3) Beatrice 4) Wirt 5) Fred The Horse Were there any positives from week 1? Here are three things I liked. 1) Christian Gonzalez, CB - They extended him! (Belichick would have traded him for...

The New England Patriots play Sam Darnold and the Seattle Seahawks at Lumen Field ( What kind of Severance ass name is that? ) Wednesday, September 9th at 8:20 PM. Seriously, NFL? You're killing me with these non-Sunday weeknight games. It's kinda amazing how this guy resurected his career once he got the stink of the Jets off him. Normally, I'd be more upset about a loss in the Super Bowl than I was last year. However, this team overacheieved by just about ever metric last season and they lost to a superior Seattle team. The Vrabel / Maye Patriots "arrived" about two seasons ahead of schedule. Also, I no longer have to watch Mac Jones put his whole body into a MAXIMUM EFFORT throw only for the ball to float eight yards. So... it's hard to complain. The Odyssey Power Rankings 1) Penelope 2) Antinous 3) The Horse 4) Circe 5) Eumaeus 6) Sinon 7) Eurylochus Honorable mention - the soundtrack. Here are three new players I'll have my eyes on Wednesday night. 1...

A cold New England February morning. The drive up ATM refuses to accept my cash deposit. I park my car and walk inside to see the teller. It is nice and warm inside. The Teller gives me a nod to come forward. Me: I'd like to make a deposit. Also, why are you wearing a Jets jersey? Teller: It's a Sam Darnold Jersey. I'm not a Seahawks fan. But I don't want to see the Patriots win another one. Me: Ahhh. Well, I guess being a Jets fan is its own punishment. (We both laugh. I walk away with my head held high.) Next Customer Who Didn't Hear our Conversation: Why are you wearing a Jets jersey? ***** crock pot teriyaki wings 3 pounds chicken wings 1 large onion, chopped 1 c brown sugar 1 c soy sauce 1/4 c cooking sherry 2 t ginger 2 cloves garlic - rinse and pat dry wings - broil wings 20 minutes on broiler pan (10 minutes per side) - transfer wings to crock pot - combine ingredients, pour over wings - cover and cook 2 - 3 hours on high (or 5 - 6 hours on low) Enjoy!

The New England Patriots play Bo Nix Jarrett Stidham and the Denver Broncos in the Tom Brady Memorial AFC Championship Game at Empower Field at Mile High Sunday January 25th at 3:00 PM. Big hugs! To say the Patriots have exceeded expectations so far this season is an enormous understatement. As recently as a year ago I remember wondering if they'd ever host a home playoff game again. Having said that, now that you're this close and playing the other team's backup quarterback in the AFC Championship Game, go out and get it. Also, Mike Vrabel now the longest tenured coach in the AFC East. I kid you not. Odyssey Power Rankings: 1) 2001: A Space _____ 2) The _____ (Homer) 3) Honda  _____ Here are three things I'm a little concerned about this week: 1) Drake Maye - He's been fantastic this season. A+. We couldn't have asked for more in his second year. A pleasure just to watch. Having said that, please hold on to that football, Drake Maye 2) Playing in Denver - tr...

  The first place New England Patriots host the Cleveland Browns at Gillette on Sunday October 26th at 1:00 PM. I am entertained. I'll admit: I was wrong. Vrabel has been a much better coach than I expected so far. He's got this team playing beyond their talent. They've been fun to watch. And... let's be honest... the upcoming schedule doesn't look too challenging at this point. My expectations have been raised. Hooper Power Rankings: 1) Matt (he drives the boat) 2) Austin 3) Mr. (Sesame Street) 4) X 5) Tobe Three Things I liked last week: 1) Rhamondre Stevenson. Do we trust him? Obviously not. But he was certainly better last week. 2) The offensive line. Showing signs of significant improvement. Amazing what a difference a year makes. 3) Kayshon Boutte. Are you getting enough Boutte? Did the Patriots score 30 points last week? Yes! This is becoming a regular thing. I could get used to this. My prediction: Pats 28, Browns 16 *** Film Pervert Corner - Not a Hallo...

The second place 1 - 2 New England Patriots host the Carolina Panthers at Gillette on Sunday September 28th at 1:00 PM. Should be a barn burner. I marinated the football in butter and olive oil before the game last week. It sucks that they gave away a winnable game last week. Was that a good  Pittsburgh team? Eh, not really. Were the Patriots worse? Absolutely. Season Power Rankings: 1) Salt 2) Autumn 3) Spring 4) of the Witch 5) Tickets Three Things I'm looking forward to this week: 1) Wide receivers who know which direction to run. 2) Going for it on fourth down. 3) Ball security. Did the Patriots score 20 points last week? No. (Bonus points for putting up 33 on a hapless Dolphins team in week 2. If only we could play the Dolphins 17 times a year.) My prediction: Pats 24, Panthers 21 *** Film Pervert Corner - Neo-Noir Sicko Film of the Week: Memories of Murder Dir. Bong Joon Ho. 2003. Not an easy watch! *** Let's step into Fake Dr. Melfi's office for a quick therapy sessi...

The last place New England Patriots play the Miami Dolphins at Hard Rock Stadium on Sunday September 14th at 1:00 PM. They should have kept Jakobi. Joy Power Rankings 1) Anya Taylor 2) Formidable 3) of Cooking 4) Division 5) to the World I don't know what I was expecting for the first game under the new regime, but that wasn't it. Was there anything to feel good about last week? Here's what I've got off the top of my head. 1) Kayshon Boutte had a solid six catches for 103. That's nice! 2) Free agent signing Harold Landry had two and a half sacks in his Patriots debut. 3) Maybe we'll have a top five pick again next year. Also... lots of 1:00 PM games this season. Nice early bed times for everyone. Did the Patriots score 20 points? They did not! Days since the Patriots last score 30 points in a game: 1,063 days (I kid you not.) My prediction: Pats 9, Dolphins 37 *** Thursday Morning Third Down Back is pleased to welcome back special guest columnist Pinhead to shar...

The first place New England Patriots play the Oakland   Los Angeles   Oakland  Las Vegas Raiders at Gillette on Sunday September 7th at 1:00 PM. Patriot first round pick tackle Will Campbell. Douglas Power Rankings: 1) Adams 2) DeMario 3) Michael  4) The Lincoln–Douglas debates 5) Illeana  After back to back 4 - 13 seasons, you are allowed to feel a little skeptical about this team. What do we, as Patriots fans, have to look forward to in 2025? Returning:  Executive vice president of player personnel Eliot Wolf is somehow still here. Last year, the two wide receivers he drafted in 2024 combined for 13 catches. And one of them is no longer with the team. I'm against it. Coach Mike Vrabel. His career record as a coach is 56–48. This was seen as a significant upgrade over what we had in place. Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels. He's back! Again! Not returning: Coach Jerod Mayo. It was both a bad situation AND he didn't do a great job with it. That's ba...

"Is there any of the good Scotch left?" the Rookie asked. "I wouldn't call it good  Scotch. But no. We finished that weeks ago," the Veteran responded. Outmanned and outgunned, they rode west across New York to the certain slaughter waiting for them at Orchard Park. The streets wide and flat, indifferent to their struggle. "Is the water safe to drink?" "Don't know. Try it and find out." General Mayo lacked the sense of direction his predecessor displayed. If there was dissension in the ranks, it didn't show. But there was also no lust for the battlefield. Going beyond what was required of one's duty. They just didn't have the spirit for it. His predecessor had been deposed because the vibes were off. And now he risked the same fate. "Is there anything to eat?" "There's an empty can of beans. You may lick what's left off the bottom of it if you like." The talent level of recruits was lacking, not up ...

 

The 1 - 4 New England Patriots play C.J. Stroud and the Houston Texans at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 13th at 1:00 PM. They really should stop buttering the ball between plays. That Patriots - Dolphins game last week was one of the worst things I've ever seen. Let's never speak of it again. The Patriots have announced third overall pick Drake Maye as the starting quarterback this week. I feel like it's too soon. But it's not my job on the line. I'll be nice and cozy on the couch with snacks and beverages and a dog that will pick the absolute worst time to decide that he has to go out. Drake Power Rankings: 1) 's Cakes 2) (the duck)  3) (the singer from Canada) 4) Gilded 5) Maye Here are three things that could have been better in week 5: 1) Jacoby Brissett. Thank you for your contributions. I appreciate your effort. I'm not sure how you're still standing. 2) The play calling had me scratching my head on multiple occasions. 3) The whole WR position...

The 1 - 2 New England Patriots play Brock Purdy and the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on Sunday September 29th at 4:05 PM. I would very much like to go back to watching fancy football. We're downgrading this team from "surprisingly frisky" to "potentially another lost season" after last week. There's just too far to go for this offense. Watch this space for additional updates Wilson Power Rankings: 1) How to with John 2) Luke 3) Thomas F. 4) Ann and Nancy 5) Marco 6) Eugene 7) Pickett 8) The Volleyball 9) Patrick 10) Owen 11) Rita Here are three things that I did not care for in week 3: 1) Poor Jacoby Brissett is getting absolutely beat up out there. I feel for the guy.  We have not put him in a good situation. 2) Punts. So many punts. 3) Aaron Rodgers. Maybe not dead yet? Dad Rock Jam of the Week Faith No More - Falling to Pieces Did the Patriots score 20 points last week?  My brothers and sisters in The Force, you know they did not. My predict...

The New England Patriots play Geno Smith and the Seattle Seahawks at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 15th at 1:00 PM. Rhamondre was running through dudes. Considering how low my expectations were for week 1 and the season in general, I'm going to classify that first game as "delightful". Can you win with a conservative, run first offense and an aggressive defense in 2024? Maybe! HBO David Show Runners Power Rankings: 1) Chase 2) Simon 3) Milch 4) Larry 5) Benioff Here are three things that were pretty good in week 1: 1) Rhamondre Stevenson - Game ball for Stevenson. I know we're in an era where the running game has been deprecated, but he's an absolute beast. 2) Jacoby Brissett - He's never going to blow anyone away, but just being "steady" and "adequate" felt like a huge improvement over what we saw last season. 3) The offensive line took a huge leap from what we saw in the pre-season. Thanks, David Andrews! Dad Rock Jam of the Week ...

The New England Patriots play Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals at Paycor Stadium on Sunday September 8th at 1:00 PM. Protect him. New season. New coach. New quarterback. Going to be a whole lot of one o'clock Sunday games this season. Reserve your spot on the couch now. It's going to be rough ( I'm thinking maybe... five wins? ). Let's try to help each other get through it. As of opening day, it will have been 2044 days (!) since the Patriots last won a playoff game. I knew there was going to be a readjustment period after two decades of dominance. I just didn't expect the post-Brady era to suck as bad as it has. I let myself think there was a plan in place. I very much did not enjoy the Mac Jones Era. Was he put in a bad situation? Yes. Did he kinda suck? Also yes! ...and that's the last time I'll be talking about McCorkle. What do we know about this 2024 Patriots team? Well, we didn't really learn a whole lot from the preseason other than the offe...

The New England Patriots play Derek Carr and the New Orleans Saints at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 8th at 1:00 PM. I'd like to thank the Patriots for letting me off the hook early this year. No messing around this time. They are  definitely   not  a playoff team. I'm done talking about Mac Jones. I have nothing nice to say about him. Please don't mention his name to me ever again. "He's good! He just needs better weapons around him!" /throws ball two yards short of wide open receiver Jean-Luc power rankings: 1) Godard 2) Picard If I had to talk myself into it, here are three things I'm feeling kinda sorta OK about this year so far: 1) Some of the rookies have been mostly good, especially Christian Gonzalez.  (And now he's hurt!) 2) Probably going to see a lot more Keion White with Judon going down. 3) Demario Douglas might be good. Just hang on to the football. Did the Patriots score 20 last week? My Brothers and Sisters of Our Lady of the Immac...

The New England Patriots play Tua Tagovailoa and the Miami Dolphins at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 17th at 8:20 PM. Jabrill Peppers gave them a chance. Rough loss in week 1. Despite a horrific first quarter, they were in that game late. And they couldn't close it out. No moral victories. Bloom Power Rankings: 1) In 2) County 3) Bialystock and 4) Rachel 5) Orlando ... 11,997) Chaim Here are three things I wasn't particularly excited about last week: 1) The offense coming up small when the game was on the line. The defense gave them a chance. I'm seeing a pattern here. 2) The continued streak of being unable to win when the other team scores 25 points. 3) Giving away the ball. "We don't want it. You take it!" Did the Patriots score 20 points last week? Just barely. 2010s Jam of the Week The Joy Formidable - Whirring My prediction: Dolphins 34, Patriots 14 ***** This week we have Bill O'Brien, Reluctant Dungeon Master. Why is there so much text here?...

The New England Patriots play Jalen Hurts and the Philadelphia Eagles at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 10th at 4:25 PM. With the Dolphins, Bills and even the (gulp)  Jets all trending upward, and the Patriots shopping for offensive linemen at the TJ Maxx close out rack, this could be a very  long season. In five short years, we've gone from "Can we just skip ahead to the AFC Championship Game already?" to "Boy, it sure would be swell to win a playoff game again someday!" Based on what I saw in the preseason, I think we're looking at an above average defense and a below average offense. This is maybe a   6 and 11 team.  I have no idea how I'm going to get through this year. I knew the post-Brady transition was going to be hard... But I just didn't think it would be managed this poorly. As such, we'll be slowly transitioning this little weekly fan newsletter into a support group.  Just a quick reminder of what last season looked like. Gene p...

The New England Patriots play Zach Wilson and the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on Sunday November 20th at 1:00 PM. (Not Zach Wilson, but this picture still kills me.) If the season ended today... that would be really weird. BUT ALSO... the 2022 Patriots would somehow be in the playoffs. The bad news is the schedule looks fairly unpleasant from here on out (ugh, we still have to play the Bills twice? Who thought that was a good idea?) With the season 52.9% over, let's hand out some mid-season grades! Offense overall: D- Sloppy and unpleasant to watch. Like me eating a piece of pie. Offensive coaching: D- Something has to change. Soon. This doesn't really seem sustainable in its current configuration. Offensive line: D  M. Night Shyamalan thinks this line has too many obvious holes. Quarterback: D- I liked it better when we had the best quarterback of all time for two decades instead of Three and Out Jones. Not to put it all on Mac -- the line and the coaching have been s...

The New England Patriots play Justin Fields and the Chicago Bears at Gillette Stadium on Monday October 24th at 8:15 PM. Belly Rubs Game ball to the defense. Two good games in a row! (Against horrible, horrible teams...) Bob Power Rankings: 1) 's Burgers 2) Silent 3) Sideshow 4) Balaban 5) Kraft Here are five guys I really had fun watching last week: 1) Rhamondre Stevenson - Having a great season so far. He looks like the real deal. 2) Bailey Zappe - Even if he doesn't get to play another snap this season, it's been a fun ride.  I can't wait to see the Patriots turn Bailey Zappe into a second round pick that later becomes a 3rd round pick and two 6th rounders. 3) Tyquan Thornton - Two touchdowns! One on the ground and one in the air. The dude was fast . Immediate contributions from rookies! Who'd have thunk it? 4) and 5) Hunter Henry and Jonnu Smith - The tight ends even showed up last week! Good game all around. Did the Patriots score 20 points last week? Yes! 90s...