The New England Patriots play Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals at Paycor Stadium on Sunday September 8th at 1:00 PM.
New season. New coach. New quarterback. Going to be a whole lot of one o'clock Sunday games this season. Reserve your spot on the couch now. It's going to be rough (I'm thinking maybe... five wins?). Let's try to help each other get through it.
As of opening day, it will have been 2044 days (!) since the Patriots last won a playoff game. I knew there was going to be a readjustment period after two decades of dominance. I just didn't expect the post-Brady era to suck as bad as it has. I let myself think there was a plan in place.
I very much did not enjoy the Mac Jones Era. Was he put in a bad situation? Yes. Did he kinda suck? Also yes!
...and that's the last time I'll be talking about McCorkle.
What do we know about this 2024 Patriots team? Well, we didn't really learn a whole lot from the preseason other than the offensive line sucks hard. There were times when it looked like they were playing football for the first time. We know Drake Maye can sling it. But there's such a weak support system around him that it probably won't matter. I'd sit him for at least the first six weeks. Don't get the kid killed.
We're going to be looking at a very high draft pick again after this season.
May Power Rankings:
1) -o
2) -e
3) Day
4) -a Hawke
5) Aunt
6) I said ___-be.
Three things that might not suck this season:
1) Second year wide receiver Demario Douglas. Just find a way to get him the ball 3 - 5 times a game. He's fun to watch!
2) Rhamondre Stevenson - I feel like we're wasting the prime years of his career with this o-line. Sorry, Rhamondre.
3) The defense should still be above average.
Dad Rock Jam of the Week
My prediction: Patriots 9, Bengals 31
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This week Thursday Morning Third Down Back is pleased to welcome Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam.
Our breeding program stretches back 90 generations. You had two decades of unrivaled prosperity under the Football Kwisatz Haderach. And what was your plan for after that? To just... wing it?
I'm not expecting a Leto II level replacement talent... but you've brought me nothing but sub-Farad'n Corrino options.
Get out of my office. And don't let me see you again until you've got a proper succession plan to show me. The last four seasons of watching this Patriots team has been one long gom jabbar.
***
Book 4 still available from Amazon:
Stories About Dogs and Ice Cream
by P. Canole
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