The Patriots play their fifth game of the year at Paul Brown Stadium against the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday October 6th at 1:00 PM.
Did we just put up 30 points last week?
Are we really 4 - 0?
How are we 4 - 0?
/pinches self
Now we're facing a Bengals team that I don't know what to make of. They beat the Packers one week, then lose to the Browns the next week. Are these guys any good?
The Patriots brought in former colts receiver Austin Collie this week. Collie had... wait for it... 1 catch for 6 yards in all of 2012. In addition to his concussion issues, Collie also apparently has 1 good knee. Awesome. Way to surround Brady with weapons. Once again... let's keep our expectations low.
Also... Moment of silence for Vince Wilfork who was just placed on season ending injured reserve (torn Achilles tendon... try not to put any weight on that). Get well soon, Big Man.
Vince Power Rankings
1) Clortho*
2) Wilfork
3) Gilligan
4) Guaraldi Trio
5) Pruitt Taylor
Here are five guys on the rise this season:
1) Aqib Talib - Game ball for Aqib Talib. He might be the Team MVP so far this season.
2) Kenbrell Thompkins - Is he improving? Yes. He made a great grab in the corner of the endzone for a touchdown last week. But then a ball will hit him in the hands and he'll drop it. Sheesh.
3) Julian Edelman - He's already put up career high numbers 4 games into the season.
4) Dont'a Hightower - Looks like he's putting it together in his second year. This pleases me.
5) LeGarrette Blount - The Other Big Man had a solid week last week. Nobody loves seeing a 250 pound running back rip off a 47 yard touchdown run more than me.
*Keymaster of Gozer. Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?
No.
/sad trombone
My prediction: Pats 27, Bengals 17
My prediction (Season): 10 - 6
*****
This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure. Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's third book "My Life Away From Football":
Early Spring. Last offseason. Monday morning. I had nowhere to be. Linda was on vacation. The kids weren't around.
The yard was a mess. I never had the landscaping crew come out and clean it up last Fall. Just too busy.
I figured I could at least knock out the back yard. And I had a six pack to help pass the time. Might as well do it myself.
So grabbed my rake and I got out my yellow Walkman Sports that I use for my workouts and popped in "Appetite For Destruction".
Been hidin' out
And layin' low
It's nothin' new to me
(Axl's not from New Jersey, but he's still pretty good.)
Huh... Turns out this yardscaping stuff is pretty hard. Took me a bit longer than I thought it would. And I was sore. Damn sore. But it really cleared my head, you guys. There's something about repetitive manual labor that really frees up some brainspace.
Unfortunately, I could never get the whole yard just right all at the same time. I would get one area cleaned up, then the leaves blew around some more and I would have to go back and redo that area.
And then... Somewhere around my 4th or 5th beer. I realized that my yard really represented the team. It was time to do some cleaning there, too. I had to get all the areas of my team cleaned up before this season.
That's right, Axl. They won't break me, either.
I went inside and took a codeine cough syrup nap. Woke up two days later.
True story.
Did we just put up 30 points last week?
Are we really 4 - 0?
How are we 4 - 0?
/pinches self
Apparently cornerbacks are allowed to knock the ball away from opposing players.
It's been years since the Patriots have tried that.
Now we're facing a Bengals team that I don't know what to make of. They beat the Packers one week, then lose to the Browns the next week. Are these guys any good?
The Patriots brought in former colts receiver Austin Collie this week. Collie had... wait for it... 1 catch for 6 yards in all of 2012. In addition to his concussion issues, Collie also apparently has 1 good knee. Awesome. Way to surround Brady with weapons. Once again... let's keep our expectations low.
Also... Moment of silence for Vince Wilfork who was just placed on season ending injured reserve (torn Achilles tendon... try not to put any weight on that). Get well soon, Big Man.
Vince Power Rankings
1) Clortho*
2) Wilfork
3) Gilligan
4) Guaraldi Trio
5) Pruitt Taylor
Here are five guys on the rise this season:
1) Aqib Talib - Game ball for Aqib Talib. He might be the Team MVP so far this season.
2) Kenbrell Thompkins - Is he improving? Yes. He made a great grab in the corner of the endzone for a touchdown last week. But then a ball will hit him in the hands and he'll drop it. Sheesh.
3) Julian Edelman - He's already put up career high numbers 4 games into the season.
4) Dont'a Hightower - Looks like he's putting it together in his second year. This pleases me.
5) LeGarrette Blount - The Other Big Man had a solid week last week. Nobody loves seeing a 250 pound running back rip off a 47 yard touchdown run more than me.
*Keymaster of Gozer. Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch last week?
No.
/sad trombone
My prediction: Pats 27, Bengals 17
My prediction (Season): 10 - 6
*****
This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure. Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's third book "My Life Away From Football":
Early Spring. Last offseason. Monday morning. I had nowhere to be. Linda was on vacation. The kids weren't around.
The yard was a mess. I never had the landscaping crew come out and clean it up last Fall. Just too busy.
I figured I could at least knock out the back yard. And I had a six pack to help pass the time. Might as well do it myself.
So grabbed my rake and I got out my yellow Walkman Sports that I use for my workouts and popped in "Appetite For Destruction".
Been hidin' out
And layin' low
It's nothin' new to me
(Axl's not from New Jersey, but he's still pretty good.)
Huh... Turns out this yardscaping stuff is pretty hard. Took me a bit longer than I thought it would. And I was sore. Damn sore. But it really cleared my head, you guys. There's something about repetitive manual labor that really frees up some brainspace.
Unfortunately, I could never get the whole yard just right all at the same time. I would get one area cleaned up, then the leaves blew around some more and I would have to go back and redo that area.
And then... Somewhere around my 4th or 5th beer. I realized that my yard really represented the team. It was time to do some cleaning there, too. I had to get all the areas of my team cleaned up before this season.
That's right, Axl. They won't break me, either.
I went inside and took a codeine cough syrup nap. Woke up two days later.
True story.
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