Skip to main content

Five Things to Watch This Week - Weeks 16 and 17 (Game 15 and 16)


The Patriots play their fifteenth regular season game at EverBank Field against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday, December 23rd at 1:00 PM.

The Patriots play their sixteenth regular season game at Gillette Stadium against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday, December 30th at 1:00 PM.


Hoomanawanui!

I don't feel good about the way my team played last week.  Plus we lost our best chance for a playoff bye.  But... I know Bills fans who would stab somebody for a chance at the playoffs (honestly, most Bills fans I know would be happy to stab somebody for you anyway...).

So instead of moping...  Let's make fun of the Jets!

Epic Buttfumble vs. Season Ending Botched Snap.  Discuss.

Obviously, Epic Buttfumble will never be topped.  But Season Ending Botched Snap has its merits, too (especially if it ends up resulting in mass firings).  The Jets have a way of snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory.

I'm worried that things with the Jets are SO BAD now they'll be forced to clean house.  This makes me sad.  I like having Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez to kick around.  It's fun!

/cries into goddammned snack


"A Christmas Story" Power Rankings:

1) The Dad (Darren McGavin is so good in this movie it hurts)

2) Ralphie

3) Christmas Tree Guy (a surprising big mover this week)

4) The Mom

5) The Narrator


We're almost done with another glorious year of football.  Here's five guys that mattered this season:

1) Tom Brady - One of these years he's going to start slowing down and losing a little off the fastball.  This was not that year.

2) Wes Welker - Why the hell didn't we get a long term deal done with him last year?  Wes deserves to get paid.  This is why we can't have nice things.

3) Rob Gronkowski - GRONK SORRY GRONK HURT ARM.  GRONK PLAY GOOD IN PLAYOFFS.

4) Vince Wilfork - Vince had a monster year.  I can't say enough good things about him.  He's a beast.

5) Stevan Ridley - Even with his recent putting the ball on the ground problems, he's had a pretty darn good year.  (Just don't fumble in the playoffs.)

(Honorable mentions for Aaron Hernandez, Brandon Spikes and Jerod Mayo.)


Did Michael Hoomanawanui have a catch this week?

YES!


My prediction (Game 15): Pats 35, Jaguars 17

My prediction (Game 16): Pats 28, Dolphins 24

My prediction (Season): 12 - 4 (Up from last week.)

Nut up or move on.

*****

This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure.  Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's second book "My Patriot Years":

December 24th, 1999.  Late, late at night. I'm at the Jets training facility watching some extra film on the Dolphins.  I probably hadn't slept in two days.

I'm starting to doze off a little bit.  I hear my Casio watch beep off the hour and sit upright.

I look over to my right and my old pal Art Modell, owner of the Cleveland Browns and my former boss, had wandered into the film room.

"I am the NFL Owner of Christmas Past!" he tells me, spilling a drink as he talked.

"Get the hell out of here," I calmly told him.  "You completely ruined my reputation when you announced you were moving the team to Baltimore.  They burned an effigy of me in the parking lot.  Now I'm stuck working under Parcells again, dammit."

He scurried off.  I went back to my film.

A few minutes later, another guy in a suit shows up.

"Hi!  I'm Woody Johnson.  I'm about to be the new own of the Jets.  We should be buddies!"

"Sir, no disrespect, but it's late and I've got a lot of work to do."

"Sure thing, Brian!"

Huh.  Turns out the dude didn't even know my name.  Never a good sign.

I buried myself in Dolphins footage again.  Was Marino long past his prime at that point?  Yeah.  But he still scared me.  And besides... Anything was better than talking to liquored up owners.  They're the worst.

My watch beeped again.  A third guy in a suit showed up.  This guy had a blue shirt with a white collar.

"Hey!  How's it going?  I'm Bob.  You used to work for me, remember?"

"Yes, I do."

"How you like things here?"

"They're fine, I guess.  Do you mind?  I'm trying to get a little more work done tonight."

"Work, huh?  OK."  He started to walk away, then came back into the room.  "You want to come work for me?"

"Sure.  If you just leave me alone right now, I'll come coach the Patriots."

"OK then.  That works."

He seemed pleasant enough.

At first I thought I must have been hallucinating all these Old Money guys coming into the film room with me.  The next day I found out there were all in town for an owners' meeting.

A few weeks after that night, I quit as HC of the NYJ.  And that's how I became the coach of the New England Patriots.

True story.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 2

The New England Patriots play Geno Smith and the Seattle Seahawks at Gillette Stadium on Sunday September 15th at 1:00 PM. Rhamondre was running through dudes. Considering how low my expectations were for week 1 and the season in general, I'm going to classify that first game as "delightful". Can you win with a conservative, run first offense and an aggressive defense in 2024? Maybe! HBO David Show Runners Power Rankings: 1) Chase 2) Simon 3) Milch 4) Larry 5) Benioff Here are three things that were pretty good in week 1: 1) Rhamondre Stevenson - Game ball for Stevenson. I know we're in an era where the running game has been deprecated, but he's an absolute beast. 2) Jacoby Brissett - He's never going to blow anyone away, but just being "steady" and "adequate" felt like a huge improvement over what we saw last season. 3) The offensive line took a huge leap from what we saw in the pre-season. Thanks, David Andrews! Dad Rock Jam of the Week ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 6

The 1 - 4 New England Patriots play C.J. Stroud and the Houston Texans at Gillette Stadium on Sunday October 13th at 1:00 PM. They really should stop buttering the ball between plays. That Patriots - Dolphins game last week was one of the worst things I've ever seen. Let's never speak of it again. The Patriots have announced third overall pick Drake Maye as the starting quarterback this week. I feel like it's too soon. But it's not my job on the line. I'll be nice and cozy on the couch with snacks and beverages and a dog that will pick the absolute worst time to decide that he has to go out. Drake Power Rankings: 1) 's Cakes 2) (the duck)  3) (the singer from Canada) 4) Gilded 5) Maye Here are three things that could have been better in week 5: 1) Jacoby Brissett. Thank you for your contributions. I appreciate your effort. I'm not sure how you're still standing. 2) The play calling had me scratching my head on multiple occasions. 3) The whole WR position...
Post a Comment
Read more

Three Things to Watch This Week - Week 4

The 1 - 2 New England Patriots play Brock Purdy and the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on Sunday September 29th at 4:05 PM. I would very much like to go back to watching fancy football. We're downgrading this team from "surprisingly frisky" to "potentially another lost season" after last week. There's just too far to go for this offense. Watch this space for additional updates Wilson Power Rankings: 1) How to with John 2) Luke 3) Thomas F. 4) Ann and Nancy 5) Marco 6) Eugene 7) Pickett 8) The Volleyball 9) Patrick 10) Owen 11) Rita Here are three things that I did not care for in week 3: 1) Poor Jacoby Brissett is getting absolutely beat up out there. I feel for the guy.  We have not put him in a good situation. 2) Punts. So many punts. 3) Aaron Rodgers. Maybe not dead yet? Dad Rock Jam of the Week Faith No More - Falling to Pieces Did the Patriots score 20 points last week?  My brothers and sisters in The Force, you know they did not. My predict...
Post a Comment
Read more