The Patriots play their first playoff game of the season at Gillette against Denver Broncos on Saturday January 14th and 8:00 PM.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to track down any information about who's playing quarterback for the Broncos on Saturday. If anyone can find this information somewhere, please let me know and I'll send it along.
Somehow Belichick whipped this team into shape and went 13 - 3. 13 -3 with a horrible, horrible defense. But the NFL has changed. It's not even the same league it was 10 years ago. Does defense even matter anymore?
I'd really like to see a deep playoff run this year. But with the recent history of this team in the playoffs, I'm keeping my expectations low.
Here's five guys on offense I'm hoping can carry the team this week:
1) Tom Brady - I can finally bring myself to admit that Brady had a bad game against the Jets in the playoffs last year [dodges lightning bolt]. Let's move on and start writing the next chapter(s) in the glorious "History of Great Brady Playoff Wins", shall we?
2) Wes Welker - If you're not following Welker on Twitter, you're missing some great mustache talk.
3) Rob Gronkowski - He was so good this year that I'm already worried about losing him two years from now when his rookie contract is up.
4) Aaron Hernandez - Hell of year by Hernandez. He didn't get nearly the credit he deserved. He made Ocho completely unnecessary.
5) Julian Edelman - 2011 job description: PR / KR / WR / CB. He definitely earned his paycheck this year.
Did Chad Ochocinco have a catch last week?
NO.
That gives us a grand total of...
(wait for it)
...15 catches on the year for The Och. Less than one catch per week. Not great.
My prediction: Pats 45, Broncos 24
Stay hydrated, my friends.
*****
This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure. Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's "Tales From a Life in Football":
February '96. I'd just been canned in Cleveland. My last season there was so bad, the team picked up and moved to Baltimore.
I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to keep coaching.
That's when I spent a month as a commercial fisherman. I had to get away from football for a while. I caught on with a cod fishing outfit in New Bedford. I grew a mustache and gave them "Giuseppe Verdi" as a name.
Nobody bothered me. Nobody expected too much from me. It was a chance to get my head together.
First they had me on nets. Then they moved me to the count once they saw I could keep track of all that stuff in my head.
Do you know what the mortality rate of a commercial fisherman is? It's awful. But you know what's worse than that? The smell. A group of guys out on the ocean in closed quarters for days on end surrounded by decaying fish parts is brutal. The only thing that comes close on land is the mens' room after Ninkovich takes a dump (you would think Wilfork's dumps would be the worst, but you'd be wrong. Ninkovich eats all that weird ethnic stuff his mom cooks for him). And even that's not as bad as bad as the boat. The fish smell just lingers.
I couldn't handle it anymore. I cut my fishing career short after just four weeks. It was all the confirmation I needed that I should get back into football.
I made it back to dry land and called up Parcells to ask for my old job back. Making that phone call sucked. But the team went to the Super Bowl the next year. And at least I was off that goddamn boat.
Even to this day, if I'm out at a restaurant and somebody at the next table orders cod, I have to get up and leave.
True story.
...and THAT was the story I told Josh McDaniels when I called him last week to see if he wanted his old job back.
Sure, your pride took a beating, Kid. But that's temporary. Get back on board this ship. And you won't have to smell like a fisherman.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to track down any information about who's playing quarterback for the Broncos on Saturday. If anyone can find this information somewhere, please let me know and I'll send it along.
Somehow Belichick whipped this team into shape and went 13 - 3. 13 -3 with a horrible, horrible defense. But the NFL has changed. It's not even the same league it was 10 years ago. Does defense even matter anymore?
I'd really like to see a deep playoff run this year. But with the recent history of this team in the playoffs, I'm keeping my expectations low.
Sterling Moore, winner of Week 17's "Wait, Who's That Guy?" award.
Here's five guys on offense I'm hoping can carry the team this week:
1) Tom Brady - I can finally bring myself to admit that Brady had a bad game against the Jets in the playoffs last year [dodges lightning bolt]. Let's move on and start writing the next chapter(s) in the glorious "History of Great Brady Playoff Wins", shall we?
2) Wes Welker - If you're not following Welker on Twitter, you're missing some great mustache talk.
3) Rob Gronkowski - He was so good this year that I'm already worried about losing him two years from now when his rookie contract is up.
4) Aaron Hernandez - Hell of year by Hernandez. He didn't get nearly the credit he deserved. He made Ocho completely unnecessary.
5) Julian Edelman - 2011 job description: PR / KR / WR / CB. He definitely earned his paycheck this year.
Did Chad Ochocinco have a catch last week?
NO.
That gives us a grand total of...
(wait for it)
...15 catches on the year for The Och. Less than one catch per week. Not great.
My prediction: Pats 45, Broncos 24
Stay hydrated, my friends.
*****
This year, we're going to have regular contributions from Fake Bill Belichick for your reading pleasure. Here's this week's selection from Fake Bill Belichick's "Tales From a Life in Football":
February '96. I'd just been canned in Cleveland. My last season there was so bad, the team picked up and moved to Baltimore.
I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to keep coaching.
That's when I spent a month as a commercial fisherman. I had to get away from football for a while. I caught on with a cod fishing outfit in New Bedford. I grew a mustache and gave them "Giuseppe Verdi" as a name.
Nobody bothered me. Nobody expected too much from me. It was a chance to get my head together.
First they had me on nets. Then they moved me to the count once they saw I could keep track of all that stuff in my head.
Do you know what the mortality rate of a commercial fisherman is? It's awful. But you know what's worse than that? The smell. A group of guys out on the ocean in closed quarters for days on end surrounded by decaying fish parts is brutal. The only thing that comes close on land is the mens' room after Ninkovich takes a dump (you would think Wilfork's dumps would be the worst, but you'd be wrong. Ninkovich eats all that weird ethnic stuff his mom cooks for him). And even that's not as bad as bad as the boat. The fish smell just lingers.
I couldn't handle it anymore. I cut my fishing career short after just four weeks. It was all the confirmation I needed that I should get back into football.
I made it back to dry land and called up Parcells to ask for my old job back. Making that phone call sucked. But the team went to the Super Bowl the next year. And at least I was off that goddamn boat.
Even to this day, if I'm out at a restaurant and somebody at the next table orders cod, I have to get up and leave.
True story.
...and THAT was the story I told Josh McDaniels when I called him last week to see if he wanted his old job back.
Sure, your pride took a beating, Kid. But that's temporary. Get back on board this ship. And you won't have to smell like a fisherman.
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