Thursday Morning Third Down Back

The first place New England Patriots play Brock Osweiler and the Houston Texans at Gillette on Thursday September 22nd at 8:25 PM (A late game on a school night?!  How am I supposed to watch the game with my sons Mookie and Betts?!) Is that one of those tiny footballs?  Jacoby looks like a *giant* here. OK, Brissett.  Let's see what you got. Garoppolo going down isn't great.  I had a plan for an escalating joke where the current asking price for Garoppolo eventually went up to 17,000 first round picks (not unreasonable!).  But now he's hurt.  Also, maybe we should keep him now?  I'm torn here.  We'll see. But I'm honestly not that worried.  Jacoby had a really good preseason.  We've got the best quarterback ever coming back in 3 weeks.  We'll be fine. Jacoby Power Rankings: 1) Dr. Lawrence 2) Brissett 3) Feed & Seed 4) Captain 5) Max ... 11,997)  Ellsbury Here's three things I'll be getting ...

The first place New England Patriots play Ryan Tannehill and the Miami Dolphins at Gillette on Sunday September 18th at 1:00 PM (A middle of the afternoon game?!  How am I supposed to enjoy a drink during the game if I'm watching my sons Jackie and Bradley Jr.?!) Pull my finger. Moss Power Rankings*: 1) Randy 2) Peat 3) Elizabeth 4) Maurice 5) Carrie-Anne 6) Spanish 7) Kate 8) Llewelyn *fedora tip to Viking Dave Here's three things I'll probably find offensive on Sunday: 1) Chris Hogan - Oh, hello there, Chris Hogan!  Nice touchdown catch last week!  Welcome aboard. 2) Julian Edelman - Great game last week.  Edelman takes an absolute beating and keeps getting back up. 3) James White - I want to see more James White after last week.  More, dammit, more! BONUS FOURTH ITEM : Martellus Bennett - Bennett didn't have a huge game numbers-wise (3 catches for 14 yards), but had some fantastic blocks and a most excellent  ext...

The Patriots play Carson Palmer and the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium on Sunday September 11th at 8:30 PM. Football is back!  Everything is right with the world!  I'll never complain about anything again! (You're going to start me off right out of the gate with an 8:30 PM game?!  What the hell, NFL?  How am I supposed to watch this game with my sons Braxton and Hicks?) In the room the women come and go  Talking of James Garoppolo. Just go 2 - 2 while Brady is out.  That's really all I'm asking for.  That seems reasonable, right? Lake Power Rankings: 1) Erie 2) Bell 3) Ontario (possibly Canadian maybe?) 4) Top of the 5) Huron (people forget Huron) 6) Michigan 7) Superior (a little too full of itself in my opinion) Here's three things I'll be watching closely on Sunday night if I can stay up that late: 1) Offensive Line - You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta...

The Patriots play the AFC Championship Game at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium against Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos on Sunday January 24th at 3:05 PM. Awwww!  The Denver Broncos?! Chung Power Rankings: 1) Patrick 2) Jose 3) Wang 4) -king Express 5) Jamie Here are three guys I'll be watching closely on Sunday: 1) Patrick Chung - Not quite excellent , but Patrick Chung has been very good  all year.  Probably his best year as a pro in his seventh season. 2) Jamie Collins - If everybody is relatively healthy, I feel like we can win this game on defense.  If we can keep Denver under 20, we should be good. 3) Dont'a Hightower - Again... I apologize for calling him a bust in his rookie season. My prediction: Pats 24, Broncos 15 ***** And now we conclude The Adventures of Julian Edelman, Private Dick. "You guys don't do protein shakes, right?" "That's correct." "But you can do milkshakes?...

The Patriots host the AFC Divisional Playoff Game at Gillette against Alex Smith and the Kansas City Chiefs on Saturday January 16th and 4:30 PM A normal sized human tries to cover The Gronk What's wrong with this team right now?  Are they healthy?  Are they smoking something?  Why does the coach have a black eye?  Why so many distractions?  How did this team lose 4 of its last 6 games? I'm not liking it.  Something feels off.  Too many questions. The good news is... At least we're not getting Phil Simms this week! Alan Power Rankings: 1) Rickman 2) Branch 3) Ruck (he's married to Mireille Enos?!) 4) Smithee 5) Alda 6) Alan from Sesame Street 7) Tudyk Here's three things I'm worried about going into this week's game: 1) Chandler Jones - Chandler Jones pulled a Robert Downey Jr. last week.  Why you do this thing, Chandler Jones?  It you're not sure what it is or where it came from, don't smoke it. 2) Rob...

The 10 - 2 New England Patriots play Brian Hoyer and the 6 - 6 Houston Texans at NRG Stadium on Sunday December 13th at 8:30 PM. Chris Harper was probably cut on the flight home from Denver. Who's left?  Do we have anyone left?  Scott Chandler?  Oh, OK. We should start getting people back healthy just in time to ramp up for the playoffs.  I'm not even that concerned about the losses over the last two weeks.  I'm just relieved we didn't lose Gronk for the whole year. Can we just sit everyone for the next 4 games and be healthy for the playoffs?  What if we wrapped everyone in bubble wrap before they took the field?  That's allowed, right? James Power Rankings: 1) Rick 2) Earl Jones 3) T Kirk 4) White 5) McAvoy Here's three things I'll be watching on Sunday night: 1) LeGarrette Blount - Would you believe Blount is averaging 4.2 yards per carry this year?  It's true!  And yet something just feels off there. 2) Ma...

The 10 - 0 New England Patriots play Peyton Manning  Brock Osweiler and the 8 - 2 Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on Sunday November 29th at 8:30 PM. I was going to give you the standard list of reasons why Brady is better than Manning... But now we're facing Brock Osweiler instead.  Could he be better than Brady?  We just don't know.  This Osweiler guy has never lost a game. Game balls to Rob Ninkovich and Dont'a Hightower for the win against the Bills.  The defense has been good this season.  Way better than I expected given the losses of Revis and Wilfork. Me vs. Pecan Pie (-3.5) Malcolm Power Rankings: 1) Butler 2) Prince of Cumberland 3) Jamal Warner 4) X 5) in the Middle Here's three things I'm thankful for this week: 1) Rob Gronkwoski - Possibly the last remaining receiver that Brady trusts.  If I'm Denver, I put 4 - 5 guys on him. 2) James White - He's no Dion Lewis, but he showed signs of l...